Today's the 16th? Wow. It's been a full week since I posted last. This is like a decade in blog years. So where do I begin to play catch up?
Well, first let's talk about the knee. It's finally getting better. The surgeon took the stitches out last Tuesday and I've been taking lots of ibuprofen since then for the inflammaton and pain. That's working better than the vicodin at this point because it's actually healing my leg instead of just masking the pain. So that's a great thing. One more week off of it and then he said I could go back to the gym and start walking to gear up for going back to work. Yay!
Special message to a very special cousin of mine: look, now that we know you're going to live we just want you to know that we're tired of hearing you whine about having cancer and learning to pee again and all that piddly stuff. Come on. You trying to die is really inconvenient to your brother and I, and especially annoying to me it's taking your attention away from my laparoscopic knee surgery that consisted of two very tiny puncture wounds. Now, I want you to stop being selfish for a moment and instead of worrying about your ginormous pain level that nothing seems to help, I want you to concentrate on figuring out a way I can shave around these tiny incisions without having to whisper "Ouch". Okay? That's a good boy.
I mean look at that? How am I supposed to overcome that kind of scar tissue? No reciprocal surgery pictures required, by the way.
NOTE: The last two paragraphs, just in case you couldn't tell, were a joke. The person I'm referring to knows they're a joke. My family has a sense of humor so dark it's classified as ebony so no offended emails please. I'm making fun to my cousin, not cancer patients in general.
Let's check in with our two favorite news hounds. Andrew Speaker is going to have surgery in July to remove the TB infested lobe of his lung. But he's not sick or anything. AND, my favorite. I laughed out loud when I read this one, okay cackled is probably more accurately descriptive. Some news reporter got hold of 181 emails under the public information act and it seems that our little lawyer and his big daddey lawyer and F-in-L researcher all lied, I mean forgot, part of the story. You know, the part where the county health officials tried for weeks before that final taped meeting to get Speaker to cancel or postpone the wedding but he refused. The health people also tried contacting daddy lawyer and daddy-in-law researcher to get their help, especially Cooksey's, but the daddies told the health officials they were having a wedding anyway. So all that bullshit about how they had no idea the health department wanted them to stay in town was just that: bullshit. It's also coming out that there were emails between health officials after that one taped meeting that Andrew seemed to be phrasing questions in a way to make them say he wasn't contagious. Well now they know why, don't they? CYA. What? A lawyer trying to get someone to say exactly what he wanted to hear and taping it and then only releasing the parts of the tape that benefitted his case? I know. That would never happen because that would be sneaky and not nice. Andrew Speaker, according to himself, was just a big innocent doe-eyed victim. Uh-huh. This was also the man who swore up and down that he would never have flown if he'd known he was putting other people in danger, and yet, he had no problems getting on two different planes to come home through Canada because he didn't want to go to an Italian hospital. Yep, that Andrew Speaker. He's all about setting his own desires aside for the good of the many.
And then there's Paris Hilton. What's she been up to? Well she is back in jail but she was kept in the medical facility for a few days until she was mentally "stable" and then transferred back to Lynnwood but to the medical facility in that jail. Rumor has it she's the only inmate in an eight bed room, she get's special food that she'll eat instead of turning up her nose at, and she's allowed to watch TV, DVD's, and use her cell phone. Jail's a bitch.
My favorite rumor is that Daddy Hilton was in Vegas last weekend shopping a "get out of jail" party for Little P. Oh, not one he's going to pay for in her honor, he was giving the Hard Rock, the Palms, and one other place that escapes me, the privilege of hosting a huge party in her honor and the privilege of paying her $50, 000-$800,000 for showing up. The wide range in dollar amounts is all about who's telling the tale.
Get out of jail party. Tacky. Just like the party they were planning at her house before the judge whisked her back to jail. Okay. So that really makes me believe she's been changed by this experience and has found God, not that I knew he was missing, huh? How about you?
Rumor also has it Barbara Walters is going to ask her to co-host The View. I surely hope not but it would definitely give us all a chance to see if she really is dumb or if it's just an act like she says it is.
Jamie Lee Curtis posted an serious essay on The Huffington Post talking about raising a generation of kids who don't know how to take responsibility for themselves, using Paris as an example. Click HERE.
But on the giggle side of things, her talent agency has dropped her because "she's just not worth it". Bummer for her. And my favorite: OJ Simpson let the press know, recently, that he is offended by all the news coverage of Little P. No comment needed on that one. He's a murderer joke without needing a punchline.
Moving on, other things that have amused me this past week. Got this pic in the mail of a Brazilian granny, proving that you really can be too skinny.
Yowza.
And then there's Britney Spears, Paris Hilton to the trailer trash crowd, who once again has forgotten the rule that most of our Momma's hammered home when we were teens: when you're wearing a skirt, for God's sake keep your damn knees together! At least THIS TIME Britney was wearing pretty pink panties. I'm not posting the pic but if you need to see to believe, head over to www.tmz.com or google "Britney panties" for a million images. I'm starting to think she has a learning disability or short term memory loss. She can't seem to remember how to get out of a car like a lady from one embarrassing photo to the next.
Making a 180 in this monolgue, my two new favorite politcal web sites of the week are www.imao.us and www.ontheissues.org/2008_Speculation.htm. The first is a satire blog written by and for conservatives but it pretty much makes fun of everyone. My favorite so far is the daily Fred Thompson fun Triva Fact and this t-shirt for the Fred Thompson for President campaign:
Hey, and I even like Fred. For others who like Fred, you can go to his campaign web site www.imwithfred.com or his personal blog www.fredfile.imwithfred.com
Now for ALL of the candidates' voting records, quotes on the issues, etc., in one place visit my other new favorite web site www.ontheissues.org. At this one you can research all of the candidates for President or Congress and check out their stances on all the issues. There's also a votematch quiz (click here for the 2008 race) where you answer 20 questions about your stand on the issues and then the quiz tells you to what percentages you match up with each of the candidates. It's very interesting. I'll admit that I didn't match up exactly where I thought I would and I had more in common with some candidates than I'll ever admit. This web site is like a educational dvd for kids; you have so much fun you forget you're learning stuff.
And my final trivia for the day: This could only happen to me. So I'm in Walgreen's picking up a few things like hair conditioner, tampons, ibuprofen and I go to pay. I've exchanged pleasantries with the older lady cashier in there a few times over the last several months, nothing more than "When ya think it's going to get hot?" or "Sure is amazing how much aspirin costs these days" but apparently that qualifies me to be her new BFF because yesterday as she swiped the barcode on that box of tampons, she asked "So, have you thought about getting that new shot that eliminates your periods? If I wasn't already in menopause, I would." I was speechless. I know that's probably astounding considering the amount of time I spend on this blog in cooter talk, but this is the internet, that was Walgreen's. Hello? The guy in the suit behind me grinned and suddenly got very interested in the fuzzy pink pens for sale at the counter and the lady behind that shot me a "Holy crap!" look of shock and mercy. What do you say? "Uhhhh, well lady, my cooter cycle isn't really somthing I'd like to discuss in public with strangers." But then, again, considering my facination with the subject on here, I guess that would have been a little hypocritical, huh? So I did what all free spirited uninhibited intellectuals would do, I murmured "Uhhh...not really...", grabbed my bag and receipt and ran to my car as fast as I could hobble.
Holy Crap!
Today's the 16th? Wow. It's been a full week since I posted last. This is like a decade in blog years. So where do I begin to play catch up?
Well, first let's talk about the knee. It's finally getting better. The surgeon took the stitches out last Tuesday and I've been taking lots of ibuprofen since then for the inflammaton and pain. That's working better than the vicodin at this point because it's actually healing my leg instead of just masking the pain. So that's a great thing. One more week off of it and then he said I could go back to the gym and start walking to gear up for going back to work. Yay!
Special message to a very special cousin of mine: look, now that we know you're going to live we just want you to know that we're tired of hearing you whine about having cancer and learning to pee again and all that piddly stuff. Come on. You trying to die is really inconvenient to your brother and I, and especially annoying to me it's taking your attention away from my laparoscopic knee surgery that consisted of two very tiny puncture wounds. Now, I want you to stop being selfish for a moment and instead of worrying about your ginormous pain level that nothing seems to help, I want you to concentrate on figuring out a way I can shave around these tiny incisions without having to whisper "Ouch". Okay? That's a good boy.
I mean look at that? How am I supposed to overcome that kind of scar tissue? No reciprocal surgery pictures required, by the way.
NOTE: The last two paragraphs, just in case you couldn't tell, were a joke. The person I'm referring to knows they're a joke. My family has a sense of humor so dark it's classified as ebony so no offended emails please. I'm making fun to my cousin, not cancer patients in general.
Let's check in with our two favorite news hounds. Andrew Speaker is going to have surgery in July to remove the TB infested lobe of his lung. But he's not sick or anything. AND, my favorite. I laughed out loud when I read this one, okay cackled is probably more accurately descriptive. Some news reporter got hold of 181 emails under the public information act and it seems that our little lawyer and his big daddey lawyer and F-in-L researcher all lied, I mean forgot, part of the story. You know, the part where the county health officials tried for weeks before that final taped meeting to get Speaker to cancel or postpone the wedding but he refused. The health people also tried contacting daddy lawyer and daddy-in-law researcher to get their help, especially Cooksey's, but the daddies told the health officials they were having a wedding anyway. So all that bullshit about how they had no idea the health department wanted them to stay in town was just that: bullshit. It's also coming out that there were emails between health officials after that one taped meeting that Andrew seemed to be phrasing questions in a way to make them say he wasn't contagious. Well now they know why, don't they? CYA. What? A lawyer trying to get someone to say exactly what he wanted to hear and taping it and then only releasing the parts of the tape that benefitted his case? I know. That would never happen because that would be sneaky and not nice. Andrew Speaker, according to himself, was just a big innocent doe-eyed victim. Uh-huh. This was also the man who swore up and down that he would never have flown if he'd known he was putting other people in danger, and yet, he had no problems getting on two different planes to come home through Canada because he didn't want to go to an Italian hospital. Yep, that Andrew Speaker. He's all about setting his own desires aside for the good of the many.
And then there's Paris Hilton. What's she been up to? Well she is back in jail but she was kept in the medical facility for a few days until she was mentally "stable" and then transferred back to Lynnwood but to the medical facility in that jail. Rumor has it she's the only inmate in an eight bed room, she get's special food that she'll eat instead of turning up her nose at, and she's allowed to watch TV, DVD's, and use her cell phone. Jail's a bitch.
My favorite rumor is that Daddy Hilton was in Vegas last weekend shopping a "get out of jail" party for Little P. Oh, not one he's going to pay for in her honor, he was giving the Hard Rock, the Palms, and one other place that escapes me, the privilege of hosting a huge party in her honor and the privilege of paying her $50, 000-$800,000 for showing up. The wide range in dollar amounts is all about who's telling the tale.
Get out of jail party. Tacky. Just like the party they were planning at her house before the judge whisked her back to jail. Okay. So that really makes me believe she's been changed by this experience and has found God, not that I knew he was missing, huh? How about you?
Rumor also has it Barbara Walters is going to ask her to co-host The View. I surely hope not but it would definitely give us all a chance to see if she really is dumb or if it's just an act like she says it is.
Jamie Lee Curtis posted an serious essay on The Huffington Post talking about raising a generation of kids who don't know how to take responsibility for themselves, using Paris as an example. Click HERE.
But on the giggle side of things, her talent agency has dropped her because "she's just not worth it". Bummer for her. And my favorite: OJ Simpson let the press know, recently, that he is offended by all the news coverage of Little P. No comment needed on that one. He's a
murdererjoke without needing a punchline.Moving on, other things that have amused me this past week. Got this pic in the mail of a Brazilian granny, proving that you really can be too skinny.
Yowza.
And then there's Britney Spears, Paris Hilton to the trailer trash crowd, who once again has forgotten the rule that most of our Momma's hammered home when we were teens: when you're wearing a skirt, for God's sake keep your damn knees together! At least THIS TIME Britney was wearing pretty pink panties. I'm not posting the pic but if you need to see to believe, head over to www.tmz.com or google "Britney panties" for a million images. I'm starting to think she has a learning disability or short term memory loss. She can't seem to remember how to get out of a car like a lady from one embarrassing photo to the next.
Making a 180 in this monolgue, my two new favorite politcal web sites of the week are www.imao.us and www.ontheissues.org/2008_Speculation.htm. The first is a satire blog written by and for conservatives but it pretty much makes fun of everyone. My favorite so far is the daily Fred Thompson fun Triva Fact and this t-shirt for the Fred Thompson for President campaign:
Hey, and I even like Fred. For others who like Fred, you can go to his campaign web site www.imwithfred.com or his personal blog www.fredfile.imwithfred.com
Now for ALL of the candidates' voting records, quotes on the issues, etc., in one place visit my other new favorite web site www.ontheissues.org. At this one you can research all of the candidates for President or Congress and check out their stances on all the issues. There's also a votematch quiz (click here for the 2008 race) where you answer 20 questions about your stand on the issues and then the quiz tells you to what percentages you match up with each of the candidates. It's very interesting. I'll admit that I didn't match up exactly where I thought I would and I had more in common with some candidates than I'll ever admit. This web site is like a educational dvd for kids; you have so much fun you forget you're learning stuff.
And my final trivia for the day: This could only happen to me. So I'm in Walgreen's picking up a few things like hair conditioner, tampons, ibuprofen and I go to pay. I've exchanged pleasantries with the older lady cashier in there a few times over the last several months, nothing more than "When ya think it's going to get hot?" or "Sure is amazing how much aspirin costs these days" but apparently that qualifies me to be her new BFF because yesterday as she swiped the barcode on that box of tampons, she asked "So, have you thought about getting that new shot that eliminates your periods? If I wasn't already in menopause, I would." I was speechless. I know that's probably astounding considering the amount of time I spend on this blog in cooter talk, but this is the internet, that was Walgreen's. Hello? The guy in the suit behind me grinned and suddenly got very interested in the fuzzy pink pens for sale at the counter and the lady behind that shot me a "Holy crap!" look of shock and mercy. What do you say? "Uhhhh, well lady, my cooter cycle isn't really somthing I'd like to discuss in public with strangers." But then, again, considering my facination with the subject on here, I guess that would have been a little hypocritical, huh? So I did what all free spirited uninhibited intellectuals would do, I murmured "Uhhh...not really...", grabbed my bag and receipt and ran to my car as fast as I could hobble.
Holy Crap!