Hello
This depression is maddening, natch.
This one is leading itself to more frustration than normal and that leads to agitation and that leads to a path I don’t want to walk again.
In an effort to allay your dread I should clarify some things.
I am thinking about suicide not About suicide. The diazepam thing is an idle thing, I have some kicking about and want to sleep and it is just an idle wondering about the experiment rather than a desire to carry out the experiment. For I wonder about super-freezing a bottle of water, I don’t want to spend time trying.
The agitation leads to want to calm my head and that generally means self-harm. This is now the longest I have ever gone since it first became habitual without doing it and I don’t want to break that chain. I think it might be time to break out the zazen again.
I am walking more which is a good thing, if currently a wet thing. At least four miles a day. I am listening to a lot of Stephen King – which is no bad thing.
For those inclined to pray please do so, I am not slipping in old bad habits but the thoughts are there and I rather they weren’t.
For those inclined not to pray, well uhm do whatever you think is appropriate.
S x
Posted in health
Hello
This depression is maddening, natch.
This one is leading itself to more frustration than normal and that leads to agitation and that leads to a path I don’t want to walk again.
In an effort to allay your dread I should clarify some things.
I am thinking about suicide not About suicide. The diazepam thing is an idle thing, I have some kicking about and want to sleep and it is just an idle wondering about the experiment rather than a desire to carry out the experiment. For I wonder about super-freezing a bottle of water, I don’t want to spend time trying.
The agitation leads to want to calm my head and that generally means self-harm. This is now the longest I have ever gone since it first became habitual without doing it and I don’t want to break that chain. I think it might be time to break out the zazen again.
I am walking more which is a good thing, if currently a wet thing. At least four miles a day. I am listening to a lot of Stephen King – which is no bad thing.
For those inclined to pray please do so, I am not slipping in old bad habits but the thoughts are there and I rather they weren’t.
For those inclined not to pray, well uhm do whatever you think is appropriate.
S x
Posted in health