You would think that with the amount of psychoactive drugs I have in my system that my sex drive would be through to floor... not sky rocketed through the ceiling. Hmm. Well, it fits, I have passed through the depressed phase of the past week or two... and now I move into the realm of euphoria and it's good friend, mania. Hello friends... and hello insatiable sex drive.
I am not wanted a relationship. I want special "friends". I want it. Badly. It's quite annoying, really. I want to be a good girl but fighting my biological hormones... not gonna happen.
I apologize if I am offending anyone with this post. I am being honest with my "feelings" and sharing everything about my little journey through bipolar-ness.
The past couple weeks of being agitated/depressed or whatever it was and then after that feelings kinda... blah (which I now realize might be in the "normal" zone and I may not be recognizing it as such because... well... I don't find it nearly as fun as when I am hypomanic and giddy and feeling so *alive*. I haven't written much because I was feeling low then I was feeling blah and didn't really have anything terribly exciting to share.
I stopped taking lithium while I was feeling lower because it just made me too tired or funky and I was already "calmer" and didn't need it. Now I can see I am going "up"... but I don't want to take it. Hmmm. I like where I am at right *now*. To prevent this from getting out of control... I will cut back a bit on the Prozac. Which I upped a bit while I was feeling so low... and now I should back it down a tad bit. I like feeling this rush... so I don't want to back it down... but I think I should but I don't want to but I know I should but I don't want to... so... I don't really know what I am going to do quite yet. I'll make some tiny adjustments.
I have been a little over indulgent in my vicodin lately... to calm me down and to kill the pain in my tooth and because getting high on it is fun. And then the sex thing... I crave it. I had found a boy toy... a handsome thing to play with... granted the job got done (multiple success on my end), but there still wasn't sexual chemistry... so now I am looking for more and willing to *do* whatever it takes to try to satisfy that need. I am trying to balance the physical need with the desire to be a "good" girl... which is hard. Talk about internal tension... whooooo weeeee...
I can see I am being... a little not in the best frame of mind for making the best judgments... including the sex and the vicodin... but... I am trying to keep myself in check. Wish me luck on finding a "fun" friend who knows how to... and is good at... well... you know...
You would think that with the amount of psychoactive drugs I have in my system that my sex drive would be through to floor... not sky rocketed through the ceiling. Hmm. Well, it fits, I have passed through the depressed phase of the past week or two... and now I move into the realm of euphoria and it's good friend, mania. Hello friends... and hello insatiable sex drive.
I am not wanted a relationship. I want special "friends". I want it. Badly. It's quite annoying, really. I want to be a good girl but fighting my biological hormones... not gonna happen.
I apologize if I am offending anyone with this post. I am being honest with my "feelings" and sharing everything about my little journey through bipolar-ness.
The past couple weeks of being agitated/depressed or whatever it was and then after that feelings kinda... blah (which I now realize might be in the "normal" zone and I may not be recognizing it as such because... well... I don't find it nearly as fun as when I am hypomanic and giddy and feeling so *alive*. I haven't written much because I was feeling low then I was feeling blah and didn't really have anything terribly exciting to share.
I stopped taking lithium while I was feeling lower because it just made me too tired or funky and I was already "calmer" and didn't need it. Now I can see I am going "up"... but I don't want to take it. Hmmm. I like where I am at right *now*. To prevent this from getting out of control... I will cut back a bit on the Prozac. Which I upped a bit while I was feeling so low... and now I should back it down a tad bit. I like feeling this rush... so I don't want to back it down... but I think I should but I don't want to but I know I should but I don't want to... so... I don't really know what I am going to do quite yet. I'll make some tiny adjustments.
I have been a little over indulgent in my vicodin lately... to calm me down and to kill the pain in my tooth and because getting high on it is fun. And then the sex thing... I crave it. I had found a boy toy... a handsome thing to play with... granted the job got done (multiple success on my end), but there still wasn't sexual chemistry... so now I am looking for more and willing to *do* whatever it takes to try to satisfy that need. I am trying to balance the physical need with the desire to be a "good" girl... which is hard. Talk about internal tension... whooooo weeeee...
I can see I am being... a little not in the best frame of mind for making the best judgments... including the sex and the vicodin... but... I am trying to keep myself in check. Wish me luck on finding a "fun" friend who knows how to... and is good at... well... you know...