I just had a conversation with Rob that was scary as hell. It started out with me reminding him that he needs to take his meds on time, and he needs to fix his sleep schedule. I warned him that hospitalization could be in his future if he did not try harder to keep on schedule. I also told him about this article I read about ADHD being cured by removing tonsils. Rob was pretty interested in that and suggested we go get his tonsils removed. He said he is constantly clearing his throat because he feels there's something there. I thought it was a tic of his, but I guess not. He also snores when he's sleeping. When I told him I would make an appointment with the pediatrician to have her look at his tonsils, he then realized that he has never been operated on in his life. He told me that he would be terrified of waking up while someone was cutting on him. He's pretty sure he would try to kill the doctor if he woke up during the operation. I told him it would not happen, the anesthesiologists know exactly what they're doing. Rob then said the only thing that has ever worked for his ADHD was the Adderall. I told him it bloody well didn't help anything. I explained it's a straight amphetamine, and that manic mode does not mean he can concentrate or pay attention. We've had this conversation before. I told him under no circumstances would I ask the doctor to prescribe Adderall again. All of them are gone, and we're not getting any more.
Then Rob went on to say that he is sick to death of feeling "flat", he has no personality, he would like to stop the meds altogether. He said, "I'm a different person, and I don't like me." I asked him if he liked the old self.
"Yes, that's who I am!"
"Your old self is violent, Rob."
"Yeah, but that's who I am!!! I'm sick of being such a pushover, people used to be afraid tof**k with me. Now I don't get mad enough to do anything about it. I just broke up withGF for no reason. I didn't even get mad at her. I have no idea why I broke up with her! I don't feel mad, I don't feel sad, I don't feel happy - I don't feel anything. And if I don't get
the Adderall I can't get anything at all done!"
"Forget about the Adderall Rob, ain't gonna happen. You're 17 years old, you don't need a reason to break up with a girl. If she was the one for you, you would know it and you wouldn't have broken up with her. Why don't you at least try the Daytrana patch?"
"It didn't work! I didn't feel anything at all."
"OK, then use two patches - one for each hip. See if that works."
"I'm just going to stop taking these meds. I want my old self back."
"Rob, most people going through this feel the same thing. They don't know who they areanymore. What they are is 'normal'. You're feeling normal. People aren't supposed to take after people with knives and threaten to kill them when they get angry. Normal people don't feel suicidal when they're sad. You have become normal."
"I don't want to be normal. I want to be myself, even if I am violent."
"Rob, 'yourself' will end up in jail or straitjacketed in a hospital. I don't want to lose you to jail or to madness. I don't want to lose you."
"I don't care. At least it will be 'me' in jail."
"Rob, I have the responsibility to not release a monster upon the rest of the world."
Silence for a while. Then I try again.
"Rob, how about I make an appointment with the doc about the tonsils, and with the pdoc to talk about other med options or what we can do to help you feel more yourself, but without the rages and the suicidal behavior."
"Fine."
"And I'll bring you two patches to put on."
Edit: Oops!!! I should have mentioned that I found this article on a post at Furious Seasons.
I would also like to mention that Monster (with Charlize Theron) is one of the best movies I've ever seen. Really. Check it out if you haven't already. But prepare to be depressed.
I just had a conversation with Rob that was scary as hell. It started out with me reminding him that he needs to take his meds on time, and he needs to fix his sleep schedule. I warned him that hospitalization could be in his future if he did not try harder to keep on schedule. I also told him about this article I read about ADHD being cured by removing tonsils. Rob was pretty interested in that and suggested we go get his tonsils removed. He said he is constantly clearing his throat because he feels there's something there. I thought it was a tic of his, but I guess not. He also snores when he's sleeping. When I told him I would make an appointment with the pediatrician to have her look at his tonsils, he then realized that he has never been operated on in his life. He told me that he would be terrified of waking up while someone was cutting on him. He's pretty sure he would try to kill the doctor if he woke up during the operation. I told him it would not happen, the anesthesiologists know exactly what they're doing. Rob then said the only thing that has ever worked for his ADHD was the Adderall. I told him it bloody well didn't help anything. I explained it's a straight amphetamine, and that manic mode does not mean he can concentrate or pay attention. We've had this conversation before. I told him under no circumstances would I ask the doctor to prescribe Adderall again. All of them are gone, and we're not getting any more.
Then Rob went on to say that he is sick to death of feeling "flat", he has no personality, he would like to stop the meds altogether. He said, "I'm a different person, and I don't like me." I asked him if he liked the old self.
"Yes, that's who I am!"
"Your old self is violent, Rob."
"Yeah, but that's who I am!!! I'm sick of being such a pushover, people used to be afraid tof**k with me. Now I don't get mad enough to do anything about it. I just broke up withGF for no reason. I didn't even get mad at her. I have no idea why I broke up with her! I don't feel mad, I don't feel sad, I don't feel happy - I don't feel anything. And if I don't get
the Adderall I can't get anything at all done!"
"Forget about the Adderall Rob, ain't gonna happen. You're 17 years old, you don't need a reason to break up with a girl. If she was the one for you, you would know it and you wouldn't have broken up with her. Why don't you at least try the Daytrana patch?"
"It didn't work! I didn't feel anything at all."
"OK, then use two patches - one for each hip. See if that works."
"I'm just going to stop taking these meds. I want my old self back."
"Rob, most people going through this feel the same thing. They don't know who they areanymore. What they are is 'normal'. You're feeling normal. People aren't supposed to take after people with knives and threaten to kill them when they get angry. Normal people don't feel suicidal when they're sad. You have become normal."
"I don't want to be normal. I want to be myself, even if I am violent."
"Rob, 'yourself' will end up in jail or straitjacketed in a hospital. I don't want to lose you to jail or to madness. I don't want to lose you."
"I don't care. At least it will be 'me' in jail."
"Rob, I have the responsibility to not release a monster upon the rest of the world."
Silence for a while. Then I try again.
"Rob, how about I make an appointment with the doc about the tonsils, and with the pdoc to talk about other med options or what we can do to help you feel more yourself, but without the rages and the suicidal behavior."
"Fine."
"And I'll bring you two patches to put on."
Edit: Oops!!! I should have mentioned that I found this article on a post at Furious Seasons.
I would also like to mention that Monster (with Charlize Theron) is one of the best movies I've ever seen. Really. Check it out if you haven't already. But prepare to be depressed.