My Life Has Become Filled With “Shun” Words…….

Isolation, condemnation, determination, (no) sensation, aggravation, , medication, and last but certainly not least….. desperation.

Isolation…..

• noun: the act of isolating something; setting something apart from others
• noun: a feeling of being disliked and alone
• noun: (psychiatry) a defense mechanism in which memory of an unacceptable act or impulse is separated from the emotion originally associated with it
• noun: a state of separation between persons or groups
• noun:preference for seclusion or isolation

Scary but everyone of those definitions fit me. Sometimes, it’s by choice and sometimes not. I am feeling very isolated lately. Don’t remember at what point I became this lonley woman living in the woods talking mostly online to others who can idenitfy. Did my friends leave? Or, did I leave my friends? I don’t know the answer to that. Truth is that it was probably a two-way street. Who wants to stay friends with a depressed person who never wants to talk on the phone or get together?

Condemnation…..

Guilty as charged, your Honor. Feeling unfit……check. Feeling disapproved of…..check. Morally culpable……check. Wanna inflict evil……check. Can’t pinpoint the time on this one either. I’m pretty sure the feeling unfit and disapproved of started when my husband made his view of bipolar perfectly clear. The last time that we ever talked about it, he said, “I don’t wanna hear anymore about that bipolar shit”. And, so he hasn’t. And I feel totally isolated from him. Sad

determination…….

I am pretty damn determined. Determined to education people about BP. Determined to crawl out of this hole sooner or later (or maybe be put in one in the ground. Who knows?) Determined in the respect that I’ve made up my mind about some things. Too bad I keep changing my mind and wimping out.. Determined in my position and opinions that I’ve reached after condsideration.Consideration……another one of my life “shun” words. Should have listed it.

no sensation………

• noun: an unelaborated elementary awareness of stimulation ……nope
• noun: a general feeling of excitement and heightened interest …….nope, that’s almost laughable
• noun: a state of widespread public excitement and interest …..nope, forgot what that felt like
• noun: someone who is dazzlingly skilled in any field ……does skilled in mental disorders count?

aggravation………

• noun: action that makes a problem or a disease (or its symptoms) worse ……….give me triple points for this one. LOTS of things aggravate the shit out of me.
• noun:unfriendly behavior that causes anger or resentment ……..scoring gazillion here. Two words: My husband
• noun: an exasperated feeling of annoyance ………I get easily annoyed at know-it-all assholes who are not biplar trying to give me advice. RE: Last entry
• noun:unfriendly behavior that causes anger or resentment ……I’m not unfriendly. I just want those above named assholes to go away.
• noun: an exasperated feeling of annoyance ……Oh yeah!

medication…..do I need say more? I think not!!!!

desperation…..noun: a state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly . ……..A big sarcastic “REALLY?”

I have more “shun” words but didn’t think it proper to go into detail, such as….

mastrubation…..LOL You just knew that I had to include something not serious here, didn’t you? Get serious, I’m so aggravated, irratated, and medicated, I don’t even wanna touch me.

hoaration……..???? you dirty little minds.

hoaration…….of or pertaining to Horace! Who the hell is Horace. Tell him to give me a call cuz I’m isolated, aggravated, desperate and need LOTS of medication.

constipation…….maybe, of the brain

Got any “shun” words in your life?