Warning!
Please wear a safety helmet during your excursions to the local mall parking lot. It has been announced that patrons have devised a new driving method for the holiday shopping this year, which includes the closing of eyes. If you are in a parking lot and find that a large SUV is coming straight at you at a high rate of speed, I would suggest employing this method, and pray for an easy and sweet death. If death does not occur, drop in at the nearest place of worship and thank your lucky stars that you will be able to celebrate your holiday of choice (Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzda) again this year!
