When I wrote the book Kanser Payudara Ku (My Breast Cancer) it was with the objective that I wanted to change the stigma and bad perception about battling this cancer to the Non English speaking group and especially to the Malay folks who generally are still confined with the taboo and darkside of the 'Breast Cancer' (BC) thingy.
The writing of the book is to educate the readers that having BC is not about receiving a death warrant and to share with many about how having BC shapes my faith, relationship with fellow mankind and my resilience battling this tribulation.
It is not an easy task and it takes every gut I have to learn to get up and stand and walk. It takes every muscle in me to change the stoned-look-and-out-of-the-mood face to smile because a simple act as a smile seeps in a great amount of positivity in my inner self. It is a learning process, a journey that take many trial and errors and willingness to change.
I can't be talking about breast and cancer freely in my hometown, I tell you. It's not easy to break the 'taboo' perception about it and to make it worse, some men thought it is a woman's issue and must not be discussed in the open. I felt strongly for those who battle BC but refuse to go to the hospital fearing that they are the excess baggage in the house that would become the liability to the husband because of the escalating expenses (both medical and non-medical) that the wife has to incur due to the BC treatment. Some even succumbed to the disease without diagnosis and proper treatment.
I have not given up, since. With the book I receive good responses from those who are shy and scared to discuss about the breast cancer and anything suspicious about their breast. I don't talk about any of the medical aspect, that's a doctor's job. I talk about how it occurred in my life, how I acted and what I have learned either from my own experience or from my knowledge seeking. This kind of responses are rejuvenating my spirit to continue spreading the awareness.
But last week someone mentioned to me in the joking way yet there's a tinge of sarcasm in it, something like this: Eleh! Orang tulis buku, dia pun nak tulis buku? (*Sucks* Others write a book, she also write a book!) When I heard it, my antenna caught the signal that this is a 'red' current or energy that has its wicked intention that is..... to poison me!
So what did I do? At first it jolted me with some kind of anger but a soft voice in me carressed my emotion to cool off and to consider this phrase as something unhealthy for myself. I was glad that my defusing antenna was functioning well! Rather than rebutting her and trying to explain to her about my intention writing the book of which I know she won't have the willingness to open her heart and herself to listen to me, I smiled and coaxed myself to forgive her for her intention to ruin my mood and day.
I told this lady, that I thanked her for her review of my book (even though that is not the kind of review I really want to read). I laughed and changed my tone. I told her I kind of expected that some people would show their support by throwing in the 'green' critisicm. Sometimes some people just can't be happy with the achievement of others. Sometimes some people live in the life that is full of hatred, jealousy and anger. These are the PhD lot. No, that PhD is not a doctorate. That PhD is Perasaan Hasad Dengki (the emotions are full of all the wickedness - a sick heart, a real sick one). Those people are people who bring in the mundane colors in our lives. They do add colours, but it won't be a cheerful and vibrant ones! They come to my life but they can't stay long because they'll get very itchy and uncomfortable living in the cheerful and vibrant world of mine.
Having cancer and learning to have a good and meaningful life while living with it, makes me able to sieve the information I get and learn the hard way not to be carried away with whatever I hear especially something negative that will not just poison the mind, but the body too. What the lady said is a good example of the negative energy that can seep into the mind and release more toxin and acid into the blood. Those in return are the food for the remaining and budding cancer cells in the body.
The battle with cancer sometimes is not just the battle with the sickness itself, but it can be with the surrounding people too.
People like these are not worthy. Not worthy at all.
'O Allah the Greatest Lord, ease this battle. Ease this journey. Forgive me for You are the Most Forgiving. Make me surrender to You but not to the wicked temptations of a heart. Give me the strength, shut the door to my anger, lock away the sickness of the heart. You let me get up from the pain, you make me walk out of the pain, you make me leave the pain. Don't make me the proud lot. Refrain my heart from all the mazmumah acts. Na'uzubillah. I thank you Lord, for the mercy and love You bestow. Make me Your humble servant. Hug me in Your Mercy always. Ameen.'
Bounced and posted by Raden Galoh
The writing of the book is to educate the readers that having BC is not about receiving a death warrant and to share with many about how having BC shapes my faith, relationship with fellow mankind and my resilience battling this tribulation.
It is not an easy task and it takes every gut I have to learn to get up and stand and walk. It takes every muscle in me to change the stoned-look-and-out-of-the-mood face to smile because a simple act as a smile seeps in a great amount of positivity in my inner self. It is a learning process, a journey that take many trial and errors and willingness to change.
I can't be talking about breast and cancer freely in my hometown, I tell you. It's not easy to break the 'taboo' perception about it and to make it worse, some men thought it is a woman's issue and must not be discussed in the open. I felt strongly for those who battle BC but refuse to go to the hospital fearing that they are the excess baggage in the house that would become the liability to the husband because of the escalating expenses (both medical and non-medical) that the wife has to incur due to the BC treatment. Some even succumbed to the disease without diagnosis and proper treatment.
I have not given up, since. With the book I receive good responses from those who are shy and scared to discuss about the breast cancer and anything suspicious about their breast. I don't talk about any of the medical aspect, that's a doctor's job. I talk about how it occurred in my life, how I acted and what I have learned either from my own experience or from my knowledge seeking. This kind of responses are rejuvenating my spirit to continue spreading the awareness.
But last week someone mentioned to me in the joking way yet there's a tinge of sarcasm in it, something like this: Eleh! Orang tulis buku, dia pun nak tulis buku? (*Sucks* Others write a book, she also write a book!) When I heard it, my antenna caught the signal that this is a 'red' current or energy that has its wicked intention that is..... to poison me!
So what did I do? At first it jolted me with some kind of anger but a soft voice in me carressed my emotion to cool off and to consider this phrase as something unhealthy for myself. I was glad that my defusing antenna was functioning well! Rather than rebutting her and trying to explain to her about my intention writing the book of which I know she won't have the willingness to open her heart and herself to listen to me, I smiled and coaxed myself to forgive her for her intention to ruin my mood and day.
I told this lady, that I thanked her for her review of my book (even though that is not the kind of review I really want to read). I laughed and changed my tone. I told her I kind of expected that some people would show their support by throwing in the 'green' critisicm. Sometimes some people just can't be happy with the achievement of others. Sometimes some people live in the life that is full of hatred, jealousy and anger. These are the PhD lot. No, that PhD is not a doctorate. That PhD is Perasaan Hasad Dengki (the emotions are full of all the wickedness - a sick heart, a real sick one). Those people are people who bring in the mundane colors in our lives. They do add colours, but it won't be a cheerful and vibrant ones! They come to my life but they can't stay long because they'll get very itchy and uncomfortable living in the cheerful and vibrant world of mine.
Having cancer and learning to have a good and meaningful life while living with it, makes me able to sieve the information I get and learn the hard way not to be carried away with whatever I hear especially something negative that will not just poison the mind, but the body too. What the lady said is a good example of the negative energy that can seep into the mind and release more toxin and acid into the blood. Those in return are the food for the remaining and budding cancer cells in the body.
The battle with cancer sometimes is not just the battle with the sickness itself, but it can be with the surrounding people too.
People like these are not worthy. Not worthy at all.
'O Allah the Greatest Lord, ease this battle. Ease this journey. Forgive me for You are the Most Forgiving. Make me surrender to You but not to the wicked temptations of a heart. Give me the strength, shut the door to my anger, lock away the sickness of the heart. You let me get up from the pain, you make me walk out of the pain, you make me leave the pain. Don't make me the proud lot. Refrain my heart from all the mazmumah acts. Na'uzubillah. I thank you Lord, for the mercy and love You bestow. Make me Your humble servant. Hug me in Your Mercy always. Ameen.'