To whom this may concern,
Sorry not quite sure if you are a man or woman or if in fact I'm contacting the right source.
but I needed to get a hold of you or anyone that might be able to answer a few legitimate questions.
First of all are you mad at me? Pissed off royally or just wanting to play some cruel nasty jokes because you are bored. Or to teach some kind of message...? I really do need some answers because things are just not right!! Or should I say getting out of hand....
See I didn't volunteer my services to get on the Cancer Train. I was put there, no I was forced there!
Ok so I have been doing what I'm supposed to be. Had all the tests, muga, cat scans, ultra sounds etc etc. I lay on the table as the Radiologist Dr did his punch biopsy. I could feel every puncture, with every sample he took in my mind I questioned was that it is this the cancer? I prayed, I was so scared you should have heard me then.
When I was having the bone scan I prayed they didn't find I had cancer elsewhere. All they found was a little arthritis in my toe...
The day of my surgery I thought I was brave, but I had a total meltdown. I was so scared. Seems I was scared a lot back then!
So they took my left breast some lymph nodes too! Well seems that I had three cancerous tumors. One they managed to get the grade and stage Grade3 Stage-3c WOW now that was kinda sorta what I didn't expect to hear. Oh yeah the other tumors? well seems there was a problem...They forgot to put my breast in the solution to preserve the tissue..well after 3 days, You heard the expression "as useless as tits on a bull"? That's what my breast ended up being decomposed. I will never know.
I hated the drains cursed and swore but they were also providing a relief.
Touche....
So lets get on to the Chemo. My God....(sorry not meaning to use the name in vain)The surgery was a piece of cake compared. I tried to be strong. I went with the wide eyed attitude I was going to get through this like a breeze.I was going to be one of these Breast Cancer Warriors. You know fist clenched....But after the third one I was broken, I was so sick I could barely breathe...There comes a moment when you think what kind of poison have they injected me with that makes me feel like I could roll over and die. Lets not even factor in the steroids that make your face so puffy you look like a moon face. I didn't complain after the second chemo when my hair fell out. It was OK it was just hair. It will grow.I didn't even complain about only having one breast. But this red poison I watched slowly seeping into my veins. I hated every second. I prayed didn't you hear me again? Alright maybe I was being selfish because I was not the only one needing attention, but couldn't you just give me a little nudge something? Just to let me think you were here? Or at least near by?
You know there are days that I barely have the energy to get out of bed.
I'm really tired of hurting being in pain just sucks. My feet legs hands hurt.
I had Taxotere my last Chemo drug. see I was told this wasn't as hard as FEC. Hello!! Who in hell gave that information needs to be gagged!!
It's worse!! I have spent 32 days in hospital, my white count has bottomed out 3xs. But this? I mean really I ask again are you pissed off? I know I know it's not just me! But this time I am asking about me.there isn't a day that I can look back on that I am not in pain. My fingernails are so painful, but it's my leg. Just ease it up a little please...
What do you want me to do say Hail Mary's? Done that? I do have my Rosary handy. Now you know I have never been over religious but my faith is strong.
The pain in my leg today has been unbearable. I looked it's all red as though blisters were forming. Oh yeah take some of the swelling down..
If you are listening or reading this can you just cut me a little break? Please?
Thanks in advance...Alli......
|
Sorry not quite sure if you are a man or woman or if in fact I'm contacting the right source.
but I needed to get a hold of you or anyone that might be able to answer a few legitimate questions.
First of all are you mad at me? Pissed off royally or just wanting to play some cruel nasty jokes because you are bored. Or to teach some kind of message...? I really do need some answers because things are just not right!! Or should I say getting out of hand....
See I didn't volunteer my services to get on the Cancer Train. I was put there, no I was forced there!
Ok so I have been doing what I'm supposed to be. Had all the tests, muga, cat scans, ultra sounds etc etc. I lay on the table as the Radiologist Dr did his punch biopsy. I could feel every puncture, with every sample he took in my mind I questioned was that it is this the cancer? I prayed, I was so scared you should have heard me then.
When I was having the bone scan I prayed they didn't find I had cancer elsewhere. All they found was a little arthritis in my toe...
The day of my surgery I thought I was brave, but I had a total meltdown. I was so scared. Seems I was scared a lot back then!
So they took my left breast some lymph nodes too! Well seems that I had three cancerous tumors. One they managed to get the grade and stage Grade3 Stage-3c WOW now that was kinda sorta what I didn't expect to hear. Oh yeah the other tumors? well seems there was a problem...They forgot to put my breast in the solution to preserve the tissue..well after 3 days, You heard the expression "as useless as tits on a bull"? That's what my breast ended up being decomposed. I will never know.
I hated the drains cursed and swore but they were also providing a relief.
Touche....
So lets get on to the Chemo. My God....(sorry not meaning to use the name in vain)The surgery was a piece of cake compared. I tried to be strong. I went with the wide eyed attitude I was going to get through this like a breeze.I was going to be one of these Breast Cancer Warriors. You know fist clenched....But after the third one I was broken, I was so sick I could barely breathe...There comes a moment when you think what kind of poison have they injected me with that makes me feel like I could roll over and die. Lets not even factor in the steroids that make your face so puffy you look like a moon face. I didn't complain after the second chemo when my hair fell out. It was OK it was just hair. It will grow.I didn't even complain about only having one breast. But this red poison I watched slowly seeping into my veins. I hated every second. I prayed didn't you hear me again? Alright maybe I was being selfish because I was not the only one needing attention, but couldn't you just give me a little nudge something? Just to let me think you were here? Or at least near by?
You know there are days that I barely have the energy to get out of bed.
I'm really tired of hurting being in pain just sucks. My feet legs hands hurt.
I had Taxotere my last Chemo drug. see I was told this wasn't as hard as FEC. Hello!! Who in hell gave that information needs to be gagged!!
It's worse!! I have spent 32 days in hospital, my white count has bottomed out 3xs. But this? I mean really I ask again are you pissed off? I know I know it's not just me! But this time I am asking about me.there isn't a day that I can look back on that I am not in pain. My fingernails are so painful, but it's my leg. Just ease it up a little please...
What do you want me to do say Hail Mary's? Done that? I do have my Rosary handy. Now you know I have never been over religious but my faith is strong.
The pain in my leg today has been unbearable. I looked it's all red as though blisters were forming. Oh yeah take some of the swelling down..
If you are listening or reading this can you just cut me a little break? Please?
Thanks in advance...Alli......