I got my PET scan results this morning. I have taken special care to pick a most appropriate picture that symbolizes what I am feeling right now. Like this dove, being released from the flames, I have been released from the hell that I have endured for 5 months now. The following story is truly a testament to the power of prayer, the greatness of God's hand and the magnitude of his mercy. No one will ever be able to convince me otherwise - God healed me.
When I went for the PET/CT scan on Wednesday I had to submit the CT films and report from December 2007 for a comparison to be made with my current scan. My results were supposed to be in yesterday. I spent 48 hours agitated and waiting for my results. I called the hospital today and spoke with a woman in medical records. She said my results were not in yet - the best she could tell was that my scan had not yet been read. She was supposed to transfer me to radiology so I could ask them when they were going to have my scan read and the report ready to fax to my doctor. Instead of being transferred to the clerk in radiology, I was transferred to the head of the radiology department. I explained my anxiety and having to cancel my doctors appointment today because of not having the results. He politely took my name and phone number and said he would call me back. Honestly, I didn't think I would ever hear from him again.
About an hour or so later he called me back - said he was puzzled - and had to give me the results himself. He said that I did have metastatic kidney cancer in December 2007 - but I do not have cancer now. All the spots on the liver, thyroid, suspicious nodules in the neck and enlarged lymph nodes and glands - GONE! All that is left is a small 2.8 cm fluid filled cyst in the superior pole of my right kidney. He said it just isn't medically possible - what was a 4.1 cm solid mass in the midpole of my right kidney, sitting on top of the renal vein and renal artery, is now a 2.8 cm fluid filled cyst in the superior pole of my right kidney. This doctor is a Christian - and he realized the significance of it being Good Friday - and that I had been healed. Medically this is impossible - you don't go from a solid mass to a cyst - let alone have a solid mass on the midpole just disappear - just a month ago this was a cancerous mass that had grown through the margin of my kidney and was growing towards my bowel and liver.
With God all things are possible. The ending is miraculous - though I did nothing miraculous. I had no surgery - no treatments. I had no medical coverage, couldn't get Medicaid and didn't have the money to pay for surgery or treatment. This has been a most frustrating 5 months. I am not a person who gives up easily; I am stubborn and feisty and will generally push and push against a brick wall until I get it to move! But, this time was different - I just couldn't push that wall out of the way. I eventually just got to a point where I accepted my cancer and prognosis and resigned myself to leaving it in God's hands. After all, I can't control this and whatever is God's will - well, it will eventually happen. None of us are promised any certain number of days or years here - this is merely just a dress rehearsal for something much bigger than this earth and ourselves.
I am so ready to open the new chapter on my life. I will always remember this experience - and there is no guarantee that I won't find myself on a similar road in the future. Should I find myself in this familiar territory - my resolve will be the same - my trust will be in God. To those of you who visit who are not affected by a terminal illness - my best advice is to live each day like you are dying. Live this Easter weekend as if it will be your last. Live each day as if it will be your last. To know you are dying is terrifying - and it changes everything about you and how you look at life.
Live - Laugh - and above all - Love. Do this everyday. And don't forget to thank the One who gives you the breath of life.
When I went for the PET/CT scan on Wednesday I had to submit the CT films and report from December 2007 for a comparison to be made with my current scan. My results were supposed to be in yesterday. I spent 48 hours agitated and waiting for my results. I called the hospital today and spoke with a woman in medical records. She said my results were not in yet - the best she could tell was that my scan had not yet been read. She was supposed to transfer me to radiology so I could ask them when they were going to have my scan read and the report ready to fax to my doctor. Instead of being transferred to the clerk in radiology, I was transferred to the head of the radiology department. I explained my anxiety and having to cancel my doctors appointment today because of not having the results. He politely took my name and phone number and said he would call me back. Honestly, I didn't think I would ever hear from him again.
About an hour or so later he called me back - said he was puzzled - and had to give me the results himself. He said that I did have metastatic kidney cancer in December 2007 - but I do not have cancer now. All the spots on the liver, thyroid, suspicious nodules in the neck and enlarged lymph nodes and glands - GONE! All that is left is a small 2.8 cm fluid filled cyst in the superior pole of my right kidney. He said it just isn't medically possible - what was a 4.1 cm solid mass in the midpole of my right kidney, sitting on top of the renal vein and renal artery, is now a 2.8 cm fluid filled cyst in the superior pole of my right kidney. This doctor is a Christian - and he realized the significance of it being Good Friday - and that I had been healed. Medically this is impossible - you don't go from a solid mass to a cyst - let alone have a solid mass on the midpole just disappear - just a month ago this was a cancerous mass that had grown through the margin of my kidney and was growing towards my bowel and liver.
With God all things are possible. The ending is miraculous - though I did nothing miraculous. I had no surgery - no treatments. I had no medical coverage, couldn't get Medicaid and didn't have the money to pay for surgery or treatment. This has been a most frustrating 5 months. I am not a person who gives up easily; I am stubborn and feisty and will generally push and push against a brick wall until I get it to move! But, this time was different - I just couldn't push that wall out of the way. I eventually just got to a point where I accepted my cancer and prognosis and resigned myself to leaving it in God's hands. After all, I can't control this and whatever is God's will - well, it will eventually happen. None of us are promised any certain number of days or years here - this is merely just a dress rehearsal for something much bigger than this earth and ourselves.
I am so ready to open the new chapter on my life. I will always remember this experience - and there is no guarantee that I won't find myself on a similar road in the future. Should I find myself in this familiar territory - my resolve will be the same - my trust will be in God. To those of you who visit who are not affected by a terminal illness - my best advice is to live each day like you are dying. Live this Easter weekend as if it will be your last. Live each day as if it will be your last. To know you are dying is terrifying - and it changes everything about you and how you look at life.
Live - Laugh - and above all - Love. Do this everyday. And don't forget to thank the One who gives you the breath of life.