Dear Angel,
Mommy is not doing very well. But you know that right? I know that you don't want me to be sad, but it's like this overbearing force is creating massive lumps in my throat, weight on my chest and pain in my heart.
Buddy, I'm trying. I'm trying to be strong and "get through" the next couple of days with some sense of grace, but, truthfully, I'm a mess. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you, how much I miss what you might have been. I was shopping today and stopped in front of the birthday candles. It took everything in me not to reach out and grab the #1 for the top of your cake....
I keep telling myself that we have been through the worst. That saying goodbye to you this time last year was the single most heartbreaking moment of our lives. But I feel that pressure again, only now, I feel it in full force. There is no shock protecting my soul. No numbness to hide behind. I feel it and I feel it hard.
I think of you and find it hard to catch my breath. I dream of you and my eyes become glassy and distant. I ache to have you in our lives - here - in our home.
Dreaming of you eternally, Nicholas and as your Nana says "Kissing you goodnight, always."
Love you,
Mommy
Mommy is not doing very well. But you know that right? I know that you don't want me to be sad, but it's like this overbearing force is creating massive lumps in my throat, weight on my chest and pain in my heart.
Buddy, I'm trying. I'm trying to be strong and "get through" the next couple of days with some sense of grace, but, truthfully, I'm a mess. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss you, how much I miss what you might have been. I was shopping today and stopped in front of the birthday candles. It took everything in me not to reach out and grab the #1 for the top of your cake....
I keep telling myself that we have been through the worst. That saying goodbye to you this time last year was the single most heartbreaking moment of our lives. But I feel that pressure again, only now, I feel it in full force. There is no shock protecting my soul. No numbness to hide behind. I feel it and I feel it hard.
I think of you and find it hard to catch my breath. I dream of you and my eyes become glassy and distant. I ache to have you in our lives - here - in our home.
Dreaming of you eternally, Nicholas and as your Nana says "Kissing you goodnight, always."
Love you,
Mommy