Children's self esteem is crucial to their happiness. Unfortunately, that esteem is often conditional and circumstantial: good grades, good looks, good behavior, etc.
We adults build that belief system into children:"If you don't behave yourself, you don't get to...." Even positively stated, "If you're good, I'll buy you some ice cream." "If you make the honor roll, we'll go see Hannah Montana!"
Such contingencies suggest to the child that love and acceptance are conditional: based on the child's performance. In other wordsl.
When the child gets that "conditional" message from the adult, she eventually internalizes it. Her self esteem becomes conditional. She feels great about herself today because she made an A in math; she felt rotten yesterday because her hair looked terrible.
As an adult, she hates herself because she's 40 pounds overweight. She knows she'll feel great after she has the lap band.... Well, maybe after the boob job, then.
This author contends that it is unconditional self acceptance - rather than conditional self esteem - that is Empowering For Change.
Children's self esteem is crucial to their happiness. Unfortunately, that esteem is often conditional and circumstantial: good grades, good looks, good behavior, etc.
We adults build that belief system into children:"If you don't behave yourself, you don't get to...." Even positively stated, "If you're good, I'll buy you some ice cream." "If you make the honor roll, we'll go see Hannah Montana!"
Such contingencies suggest to the child that love and acceptance are conditional: based on the child's performance. In other wordsl.
When the child gets that "conditional" message from the adult, she eventually internalizes it. Her self esteem becomes conditional. She feels great about herself today because she made an A in math; she felt rotten yesterday because her hair looked terrible.
As an adult, she hates herself because she's 40 pounds overweight. She knows she'll feel great after she has the lap band.... Well, maybe after the boob job, then.
This author contends that it is unconditional self acceptance - rather than conditional self esteem - that is Empowering For Change.