This article was written in response to the following email;
Hi KC,
I have two children 4 and 9 years of age. We are having trouble getting them to express their feelings. The 4 year old throws things around when he is upset and then feels very sorry and broken about it. The 9 year old simply clams up for days. I have to call around and go behind her back to find out what's happening, I need to stop doing this. I feel like they have lives separate from our's and we have been unable to get them to talk to us. We are aware of various trauma they are experiencing but bringing up the subject only makes them avoid me.
Any advice at all would be appreciated.
N
Dear N,
I don't know enough of the details to speak specifically, but here is some general help with healing Emotional Management in children;
1) Offer an alternative to violence (by example)
Kids imitate parents even in managing their emotions. If they're throwing things around or getting violent, and you've told them they shouldn't do that but it makes no difference, it means they need an alternative. The next time your child throws something, bring attention to how he's feeling first - have him express it someway - like yelling, or punching a pillow or crying. After that, when he's back to normal make him repair what he broke or clean it up.
If he doesn't realize its about his feelings you're bothered not about the furniture, he'll continue throwing things every time he's angry - kids cannot really appreciate furniture and walls you know. What they can appreciate is the feeling of peace after their strong emotions are let out - not necessarily in words.
When kids have problems talking, or expressing themselves in words, we have to go to their cave of wordless pure expression and understand and hold their hand there first. This will make them brave enough to come out with us to the world of words. We need to remember how communication was for us before we had the right words for everything.
Continue Reading: How to help Children manage their Emotions >>
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Hi KC,
I have two children 4 and 9 years of age. We are having trouble getting them to express their feelings. The 4 year old throws things around when he is upset and then feels very sorry and broken about it. The 9 year old simply clams up for days. I have to call around and go behind her back to find out what's happening, I need to stop doing this. I feel like they have lives separate from our's and we have been unable to get them to talk to us. We are aware of various trauma they are experiencing but bringing up the subject only makes them avoid me.
Any advice at all would be appreciated.
N
Dear N,
I don't know enough of the details to speak specifically, but here is some general help with healing Emotional Management in children;
1) Offer an alternative to violence (by example)
Kids imitate parents even in managing their emotions. If they're throwing things around or getting violent, and you've told them they shouldn't do that but it makes no difference, it means they need an alternative. The next time your child throws something, bring attention to how he's feeling first - have him express it someway - like yelling, or punching a pillow or crying. After that, when he's back to normal make him repair what he broke or clean it up.
If he doesn't realize its about his feelings you're bothered not about the furniture, he'll continue throwing things every time he's angry - kids cannot really appreciate furniture and walls you know. What they can appreciate is the feeling of peace after their strong emotions are let out - not necessarily in words.
When kids have problems talking, or expressing themselves in words, we have to go to their cave of wordless pure expression and understand and hold their hand there first. This will make them brave enough to come out with us to the world of words. We need to remember how communication was for us before we had the right words for everything.
Continue Reading: How to help Children manage their Emotions >>