Communication is an amazing thing. 
In equal measures, it can be a blessing or a curse. Words can be used to elate or devastate. That's power. We all wake up in the morning with the possibility of the coming day before us. How brave we are to take the chance of facing devastation. How trusting to hope for elation. We owe it to the people we encounter to use care in our communication. If we are honored to be in a position of leadership or influence, the obligation to use words responsibly is even greater. We have the potential to lift up or pound down the spirit of those around us with the words we choose.
I had the unhappy experience of being on the receiving end of some unkind communication today. I had submitted an article that I was excited about, to the editor of a publication that I admired. I had been published there before and thought I had a good relationship with the editor and his assistant. The article had been submitted two months ago and I'd had no response. A previous article had been rejected harshly, but I was willing to look at it as a learning experience and ignore the childishly emotional e-mail response I received. This time it was a phone call from his assistant. The person was absolutely condescending and superior. There was no reason to be. I was perfectly willing to accept that my article wasn't right for them and move on to another publication. You see, I like the article. I know other's will, too. What I didn't like was the fact that both people wanted me to feel ashamed.
What people don't realize, or maybe just don't care about when they try to shame someone, is that people set out to do the best they can. Nobody wants to make a mistake, break something, or even write an article that someone doesn't like. People who put themselves in the public arena in any form, expose something private about themselves. It's ok to say, "No, thanks." It's not ok to demean. It's fine to correct or instruct. It's wrong to belittle.
People who feel a need to shame others are really telling us something about themselves. In this case the editor was being a bully and his assistant was trying to impress a bully. They both needed a scapegoat. Enter your's truly. I am lucky enough to have a great support system. Sure, it hurts to hear comments that are designed to shame, but I had the safety net of reassuring people who care about me to bounce me right back onto my feet again. What if I didn't? Many people go home to more of the same; or they may even go home to nothing at all. What do you think happens to those shameful words? They swirl around and take on more importance. They seep in and become a part of that person. They erode. The only good they do is to act as a reminder not to treat others that way.
On the other hand, positive communication builds up. It plants seeds of pride and self-esteem. It creates bonds of love and friendship. It gives the people who face shame in other areas of their lives a coat of armor. It gives lonely people hope. We all have the power to choose how we will communicate. Be assured that whether you choose to tear down or build up, you will make a difference.
Communication is an amazing thing.
In equal measures, it can be a blessing or a curse. Words can be used to elate or devastate. That's power. We all wake up in the morning with the possibility of the coming day before us. How brave we are to take the chance of facing devastation. How trusting to hope for elation. We owe it to the people we encounter to use care in our communication. If we are honored to be in a position of leadership or influence, the obligation to use words responsibly is even greater. We have the potential to lift up or pound down the spirit of those around us with the words we choose.
I had the unhappy experience of being on the receiving end of some unkind communication today. I had submitted an article that I was excited about, to the editor of a publication that I admired. I had been published there before and thought I had a good relationship with the editor and his assistant. The article had been submitted two months ago and I'd had no response. A previous article had been rejected harshly, but I was willing to look at it as a learning experience and ignore the childishly emotional e-mail response I received. This time it was a phone call from his assistant. The person was absolutely condescending and superior. There was no reason to be. I was perfectly willing to accept that my article wasn't right for them and move on to another publication. You see, I like the article. I know other's will, too. What I didn't like was the fact that both people wanted me to feel ashamed.
What people don't realize, or maybe just don't care about when they try to shame someone, is that people set out to do the best they can. Nobody wants to make a mistake, break something, or even write an article that someone doesn't like. People who put themselves in the public arena in any form, expose something private about themselves. It's ok to say, "No, thanks." It's not ok to demean. It's fine to correct or instruct. It's wrong to belittle.
People who feel a need to shame others are really telling us something about themselves. In this case the editor was being a bully and his assistant was trying to impress a bully. They both needed a scapegoat. Enter your's truly. I am lucky enough to have a great support system. Sure, it hurts to hear comments that are designed to shame, but I had the safety net of reassuring people who care about me to bounce me right back onto my feet again. What if I didn't? Many people go home to more of the same; or they may even go home to nothing at all. What do you think happens to those shameful words? They swirl around and take on more importance. They seep in and become a part of that person. They erode. The only good they do is to act as a reminder not to treat others that way.
On the other hand, positive communication builds up. It plants seeds of pride and self-esteem. It creates bonds of love and friendship. It gives the people who face shame in other areas of their lives a coat of armor. It gives lonely people hope. We all have the power to choose how we will communicate. Be assured that whether you choose to tear down or build up, you will make a difference.