I'm staying at the house this weekend. I've been with a friend since leaving the hospital. But I've missed my home and the cats. I've missed the familiar.
It's just not that easy right now. A little over a week ago I ended my 13-year relationship. For good. I took a huge step in saying what I both needed and wanted. However, it meant not being in the house with her during recovery. And not being the house. Period.
We came up with an arrangement this week so that I can spend some evening in the house. While she's at a friend's home, I stay here. Nothing more decided beyond that. For now, I'll take my own bed and my own pillow and rambunctious kittens early in the morning.
Who knows how long it will last. At some point, we'll have to start dissolving the assets, juggling monies, struggling with who, what, when. But no whys. The whys are pretty clear to me: I need to be strong on my own. For me alone. No expectations. Happy.
I'm sad for the loss I've caused another person, grieving the end of a significant chapter in my life. But relieved, in a way, to be moving in a direction that feels unsure, uncertain. Simply because it's a direction of my own choosing.
I'm staying at the house this weekend. I've been with a friend since leaving the hospital. But I've missed my home and the cats. I've missed the familiar.
It's just not that easy right now. A little over a week ago I ended my 13-year relationship. For good. I took a huge step in saying what I both needed and wanted. However, it meant not being in the house with her during recovery. And not being the house. Period.
We came up with an arrangement this week so that I can spend some evening in the house. While she's at a friend's home, I stay here. Nothing more decided beyond that. For now, I'll take my own bed and my own pillow and rambunctious kittens early in the morning.
Who knows how long it will last. At some point, we'll have to start dissolving the assets, juggling monies, struggling with who, what, when. But no whys. The whys are pretty clear to me: I need to be strong on my own. For me alone. No expectations. Happy.
I'm sad for the loss I've caused another person, grieving the end of a significant chapter in my life. But relieved, in a way, to be moving in a direction that feels unsure, uncertain. Simply because it's a direction of my own choosing.