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Time Out for Whining

Posted Jan 14 2009 8:36pm
Toonces Age 18

Susie Hemmingway - A Power Within posted recently about how she deals with her husband's disease, how she is an advocate for him, and stays cheerful despite his illness. It's a wonderful post. I admire her attitude.

I so envy her, because lately I don't feel so cheerful. I've been reading about anticipatory grief. All you nurses out there remember that nursing diagnosis?

Anticipatory grief is what happens when you know there will be a loss, but it has not yet occurred. It is what happens when a loved one is dying, and both the patient and their loved ones have time to prepare.

Richard has made all the preparations...our will is current; he has a durable power of attorney for healthcare. The funeral is pre-paid and he's picked out his casket. Great.

But with each little bit of physical deterioration, I get more and more angry. It's harder to put myeloma in the background and have a semblance of normal life.

When we were first married, we dreamed of touring the country in an RV when we retired. That's never going to happen.

But I guess we still have each other and the love of our family and our old scraggly cat, relative financial security, great health insurance...many blessings.

But I'm still mad.
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