Obviously my last several posts have been laced with bitterness. I feel terrible about that. I really do. I don't want to be the girl who is bitter or vengeful. I want to be the woman who rises above all the challenges and tests and becomes the person God has designed her to be. I believe he has a plan for me and I know if I am just patient and faithful he will lay that plan out for me line upon line. I just need to let go of this bitterness.
It is important to note that I am in no way angry that my ex husband is getting married. I am truly happy for him (them). I want happiness for him, he needs it. He needs someone without real expectation and who can love him unconditionally. Although I want his happiness I still stand by my knowledge in the truth of what has happened and what continues to happen to our children and it is wrong.
What I realized though again this week is what I have always known and forgotten and that is he is limited. Limited to being unable to be a father, a friend, and honest person. He is an ill man who no matter what changes or "do overs" he tries to create for his life will live in the grey area of justification that he creates. While the rest of us know the truth about ourselves, our weaknesses, and our sins, he just knows the truth or lies he creates for himself each and every day. Really, I pity him.
No matter what I realized I get the best stuff. I get the kisses before school, the hugs after school. I get the thank yous and the prayers. I get to kiss every skinned knee and hear about every cute girl. I get to snuggle in bed and watch a movie and have pillow fights and make cookies. I get all the best and all the worst of every moment of their lives and I am so grateful. I am grateful that at the end of the day they thank me for always keeping them safe, thank me for listening to them, thankful for being there for them every step of the way. I may have been a failure as a wife, but I am a success as a mother.
I see God's hand in my life regarding this one issue. I have the love and devotion of my children and I love and am devoted to them right back. They are literal walking miracles
everyday. They are resilient and good and faithful. Our home is a home of peace now. There is no fear, no yelling, no arguing, only calm. I am blessed.
Here is hoping you are counting the miracles of your life today too!
It is important to note that I am in no way angry that my ex husband is getting married. I am truly happy for him (them). I want happiness for him, he needs it. He needs someone without real expectation and who can love him unconditionally. Although I want his happiness I still stand by my knowledge in the truth of what has happened and what continues to happen to our children and it is wrong.
What I realized though again this week is what I have always known and forgotten and that is he is limited. Limited to being unable to be a father, a friend, and honest person. He is an ill man who no matter what changes or "do overs" he tries to create for his life will live in the grey area of justification that he creates. While the rest of us know the truth about ourselves, our weaknesses, and our sins, he just knows the truth or lies he creates for himself each and every day. Really, I pity him.
No matter what I realized I get the best stuff. I get the kisses before school, the hugs after school. I get the thank yous and the prayers. I get to kiss every skinned knee and hear about every cute girl. I get to snuggle in bed and watch a movie and have pillow fights and make cookies. I get all the best and all the worst of every moment of their lives and I am so grateful. I am grateful that at the end of the day they thank me for always keeping them safe, thank me for listening to them, thankful for being there for them every step of the way. I may have been a failure as a wife, but I am a success as a mother.
I see God's hand in my life regarding this one issue. I have the love and devotion of my children and I love and am devoted to them right back. They are literal walking miracles everyday. They are resilient and good and faithful. Our home is a home of peace now. There is no fear, no yelling, no arguing, only calm. I am blessed.
Here is hoping you are counting the miracles of your life today too!