Living a marriage from a distance is tough. I feel like I start so many of these posts restating that fact. Why do I do this? Because it is so true and a constant battle we fight. A big part of this battle is unseen and happening in our heads and hearts. Although we may seem to be handling our marriage from a distance incredibly well to others...oh, if they could only see on the inside. We can be a mess!
Outsiders don't see our numerous tears of frustration and loneliness. They don't hear our short tempers with our family because we are exhausted and overwhelmed. They don't hear the arguing inside our heads over a need to ask for help but not wanting to burden others. Outsiders are usually unaware of these battles within us.
However, God isn't clueless to what is going on in us. He holds every tear we've cried and offers us His shoulder. He knows our plates are overloaded and offers us rest and refreshment in Him. He knows we need help and has sent His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help us.
Something else God has sent to help us as we strive to be brave in our marriage from a distance...marriage from a distance girlfriends! There is such strength and power in talking with someone else who is walking the same path we are on. Having a safe place to vent our frustrations, worries, and stresses is invaluable when the hearing end is someone who gets you, they are living marriage from a distance as well!
I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to three of my marriage from a distance girlfriends. These girlfriends have provided much encouragement to me as well as strong shoulders and untiring ears. The wonderful thing is that I am able to provide the same for them. I asked them to answer a few questions in hopes that you would find someone to relate to and be encouraged by. So grab a cup of hot foo-foo coffee, something chocolate, and get comfy as you meet these wonderful, and might I add cool girlfriends.
First, I'd like you to meet Jenny. I have two words to describe Jenny, "God's girl". I run into Jenny each week at church. It's amazing how much encouragement the two of us are able to give to each other in just a couple of minutes in passing. Jenny, mom to two sweet girls, has been married for twelve years and ten of those years have been marriage from a distance years. Her husband drives a train for CSX.
What is your biggest challenge as a wife and mom who is living a marriage from a distance?
The hardest thing is going to family functions and my husband not being a part of it. We are not able to attend church together as a family. Most holidays we spend without him. Because he is gone so often, we have a set routine that we follow. When he returns it is difficult for him to understand our routine.
What keeps you going on those really tough days?
I take comfort in the fact that no matter what I face today God can work it out for the good. Daily I invite Him to be in charge of my day and thank Him for His involvement in my life. God is with us every minute of the day.He wants us to talk to Him about our daily decisions. I've learned to receive His peace and let it envelop me if I feel myself getting stressed about a situation.
What piece of advice would you give to other moms living in a marriage from a distance?
Cherish the time that you are able to spend together as a family. Do everything you can to create a happy home life where family members regularly enjoy times of fellowship and have fun together. The precious times of enjoying each other's company strengthens the family unit.
Now meet Jen. She is one of my newest marriage from a distance girlfriends and is so easy to talk to. She has one daughter that keeps her on her toes. Jen has been married for fourteen years with nine of them being marriage from a distance years. Her husband is currently an air force pilot who is on active duty orders causing him to live away from the family.
What is your biggest challenge as a wife and mom who is living a marriage from a distance?
Trying to keep my husband in the loop...there are times I need to make a decision and then I discuss it with him afterwards. I feel like the house is my domain since he is rarely here and I need to remind myself that this is OUR home and he provides us with a roof over our heads and food on the table.
What keeps you going on those really tough days?
Our daughter's smile and knowing that God will take care of us, even if I struggle to believe it.
What piece of advice would you give to other moms living in a marriage from a distance?
Get involved in a group- MOPS, Moms in Touch, something that would allow for an outlet when your husband is away. Also make time for your husband when he is home.
Finally, I'd like you to say hello to Julie, who is a columnist here at Take Root and Write ( Marriage; Striving for Oneness and Freedom through Surrender ). I have known her the longest. We started our friendship off in a MOPS meeting eight years ago and have since relocated hours from each other. The distance has not hindered our friendship...we have continued to strenghten our friendship through the wonder of email. Julie has been married for 12 years and has two great kids. She says it is hard to put a year time frame on how long she has lived a marriage from a distance. Compared to most, I guess not really any years, but we have had seasons of marriage from a distance. My husband is a computer programmer and team leader. There are times his work takes him out of state (we missed an early anniversary this way), or away from family times because of tight deadlines that he must focus on. In addition, he is very active with church. This should not be a complaint, but honestly, we have really had to work on this. Sometimes I feel like the leadership forgot he was married with children and he so loves to please, he didn't speak up. My husband was choir director sometimes as interim music director when our church was in between pastors. He is also active with the Passion Play and last year went with the choir on a mission trip.
What is your biggest challenge as a wife and mom who is living a marriage from a distance?
Finding that balance. I get that work has to be done and that church is a ministry. But it can get out of balance and both of us are all or nothing personalities. Sometimes I believe that whisper at night from the enemy that I don't fit in my husband's life. I do fit into his life, but sometimes the other demands on his life are much more vocal than I am. Things are better but the last two years have been tough that way.
What keeps you going on those really tough days?
I made a covenant, I choose oneness as opposed to isolation, and I do not want the defeated one to get any foothold in our lives!
What piece of advice would you give to other moms living in a marriage from a distance?
Do not underestimate the power of prayer. On frustrating days I made myself pray over my husbands pillow, his steering wheel, his computer monitor, especially if he was away. I speak life over our marriage, even if I am not seeing it at the time. Be better, not bitter. Ask the Lord to change YOUR heart, not his. You will see as you do, you both change, and the rewards are SWEET!
Now it's my turn to share a bit about me! I have been married for sixteen years with six of them being marriage from a distance years. My husband is an airline pilot. We have four children who keep us very busy...did I mention that I homeschool them as well? I know, call me crazy.
What is your biggest challenge as a wife and mom who is living a marriage from a distance?
Keeping the lines of communication open between my husband and me despite the fact that today there are more ways to communicate than we can shake a stick at. It's also hard shifting gears from being the head of the house hold when my husband is gone to submissive wife when he is in the house.
What keeps you going on those really tough days?
Literally, my kids and the hope that God keeps putting in front of me when things feel hopeless.
What piece of advice would you give to other moms living in a marriage from a distance?
First, be brave! Second, be sure to keep dating your husband...even if it is watching a movie after the kids go to bed. Be creative with your dates as well. Write little notes about what you love about your husband, lay them on the living room table surrounded by a candle and a special snack. Enjoy spending time together and catching up with each other while the little ones sleep.
I hope you have been encouraged by these girlfriends. Stop by the Marriage from a Distance forum and lets gab and meet other girlfriends! In the mean time, listen to Point of Grace sing "Circle of Friends".
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17
Living a marriage from a distance is tough. I feel like I start so many of these posts restating that fact. Why do I do this? Because it is so true and a constant battle we fight. A big part of this battle is unseen and happening in our heads and hearts. Although we may seem to be handling our marriage from a distance incredibly well to others...oh, if they could only see on the inside. We can be a mess!
However, God isn't clueless to what is going on in us. He holds every tear we've cried and offers us His shoulder. He knows our plates are overloaded and offers us rest and refreshment in Him. He knows we need help and has sent His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit to help us.
Something else God has sent to help us as we strive to be brave in our marriage from a distance...marriage from a distance girlfriends! There is such strength and power in talking with someone else who is walking the same path we are on. Having a safe place to vent our frustrations, worries, and stresses is invaluable when the hearing end is someone who gets you, they are living marriage from a distance as well!
I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce you to three of my marriage from a distance girlfriends. These girlfriends have provided much encouragement to me as well as strong shoulders and untiring ears. The wonderful thing is that I am able to provide the same for them. I asked them to answer a few questions in hopes that you would find someone to relate to and be encouraged by. So grab a cup of hot foo-foo coffee, something chocolate, and get comfy as you meet these wonderful, and might I add cool girlfriends.
First, I'd like you to meet Jenny. I have two words to describe Jenny, "God's girl". I run into Jenny each week at church. It's amazing how much encouragement the two of us are able to give to each other in just a couple of minutes in passing. Jenny, mom to two sweet girls, has been married for twelve years and ten of those years have been marriage from a distance years. Her husband drives a train for CSX.
What is your biggest challenge as a wife and mom who is living a marriage from a distance?
The hardest thing is going to family functions and my husband not being a part of it. We are not able to attend church together as a family. Most holidays we spend without him. Because he is gone so often, we have a set routine that we follow. When he returns it is difficult for him to understand our routine.
What keeps you going on those really tough days?
I take comfort in the fact that no matter what I face today God can work it out for the good. Daily I invite Him to be in charge of my day and thank Him for His involvement in my life. God is with us every minute of the day.He wants us to talk to Him about our daily decisions. I've learned to receive His peace and let it envelop me if I feel myself getting stressed about a situation.
What piece of advice would you give to other moms living in a marriage from a distance?
Cherish the time that you are able to spend together as a family. Do everything you can to create a happy home life where family members regularly enjoy times of fellowship and have fun together. The precious times of enjoying each other's company strengthens the family unit.
Now meet Jen. She is one of my newest marriage from a distance girlfriends and is so easy to talk to. She has one daughter that keeps her on her toes. Jen has been married for fourteen years with nine of them being marriage from a distance years. Her husband is currently an air force pilot who is on active duty orders causing him to live away from the family.
What is your biggest challenge as a wife and mom who is living a marriage from a distance?
Trying to keep my husband in the loop...there are times I need to make a decision and then I discuss it with him afterwards. I feel like the house is my domain since he is rarely here and I need to remind myself that this is OUR home and he provides us with a roof over our heads and food on the table.
What keeps you going on those really tough days?
Our daughter's smile and knowing that God will take care of us, even if I struggle to believe it.
What piece of advice would you give to other moms living in a marriage from a distance?
Get involved in a group- MOPS, Moms in Touch, something that would allow for an outlet when your husband is away. Also make time for your husband when he is home.
Finally, I'd like you to say hello to Julie, who is a columnist here at Take Root and Write ( Marriage; Striving for Oneness and Freedom through Surrender ). I have known her the longest. We started our friendship off in a MOPS meeting eight years ago and have since relocated hours from each other. The distance has not hindered our friendship...we have continued to strenghten our friendship through the wonder of email. Julie has been married for 12 years and has two great kids. She says it is hard to put a year time frame on how long she has lived a marriage from a distance. Compared to most, I guess not really any years, but we have had seasons of marriage from a distance. My husband is a computer programmer and team leader. There are times his work takes him out of state (we missed an early anniversary this way), or away from family times because of tight deadlines that he must focus on. In addition, he is very active with church. This should not be a complaint, but honestly, we have really had to work on this. Sometimes I feel like the leadership forgot he was married with children and he so loves to please, he didn't speak up. My husband was choir director sometimes as interim music director when our church was in between pastors. He is also active with the Passion Play and last year went with the choir on a mission trip.
What is your biggest challenge as a wife and mom who is living a marriage from a distance?
Finding that balance. I get that work has to be done and that church is a ministry. But it can get out of balance and both of us are all or nothing personalities. Sometimes I believe that whisper at night from the enemy that I don't fit in my husband's life. I do fit into his life, but sometimes the other demands on his life are much more vocal than I am. Things are better but the last two years have been tough that way.
What keeps you going on those really tough days?
I made a covenant, I choose oneness as opposed to isolation, and I do not want the defeated one to get any foothold in our lives!
What piece of advice would you give to other moms living in a marriage from a distance?
Now it's my turn to share a bit about me! I have been married for sixteen years with six of them being marriage from a distance years. My husband is an airline pilot. We have four children who keep us very busy...did I mention that I homeschool them as well? I know, call me crazy.
What is your biggest challenge as a wife and mom who is living a marriage from a distance?
Keeping the lines of communication open between my husband and me despite the fact that today there are more ways to communicate than we can shake a stick at. It's also hard shifting gears from being the head of the house hold when my husband is gone to submissive wife when he is in the house.
What keeps you going on those really tough days?
Literally, my kids and the hope that God keeps putting in front of me when things feel hopeless.
What piece of advice would you give to other moms living in a marriage from a distance?
First, be brave! Second, be sure to keep dating your husband...even if it is watching a movie after the kids go to bed. Be creative with your dates as well. Write little notes about what you love about your husband, lay them on the living room table surrounded by a candle and a special snack. Enjoy spending time together and catching up with each other while the little ones sleep.
I hope you have been encouraged by these girlfriends. Stop by the Marriage from a Distance forum and lets gab and meet other girlfriends! In the mean time, listen to Point of Grace sing "Circle of Friends".