SWEET SISTERS, I promised Part 2 of "Promiscuity: Out of the Movies and into the Church" this week; it is postponed until next time. God placed this on my heart to share now.
Do you remember when you were a girl on the school playground? The secrets fluttered about like butterflies. Some seemed harmless.
"Hey, Suzie, guess which boy in class likes you?"
"Who?'
"I'm not suppose to tell you. It's a secret." The friend looks over her shoulder and whispers in Suzie's ear.
"Really? He's cute."
The ones later in life can rip a hole in your soul.
"Terri, you'll never guess who got so drunk she did it with lots of guys at Sam's party?"
"Who?"
"I really shouldn't tell you. She wouldn't want you to know."
"C'mon, who?"
"Your sister." Terri's eyes shined with tears. Another secret to keep. Uggh!
FAST FORWARD ANOTHER TEN YEARS.
Amanda clutched a tissue. "My mom used to smack me," she told a woman in her Bible study. They had gone out for coffee, just the two of them, to talk. "I hated it. I felt so small, so worthless. But you know what was worse? She'd tell me I was ugly, a nobody.
"And -- get this -- she taught kids' Sunday school. What I hypocrite!"
The Bible study friend consoled her. "How difficult for you," she said. "I'm sad you had to go through that."
"What I'm about to tell you I've never shared with anyone," Amanda whispered. "When I was young, maybe 11 or 12 years old, I imagined my hands around her throat and squeezing and laughing. I hated her. I hated myself." Amanda sobs.
Every person has shameful secrets that she doesn't want anyone to know. Here at Counselors' Coach, you become equipped to listen to hurting Christian women at your church, workplace and neighborhood. This ministry is not for licensed professionals alone. It belongs to anyone who calls herself a Christian and has received a level of healing herself. Truly the best counselors are those who've experienced pain and the grace of God.
Before I share an example and encouragement on how you can help, please hear the difference between secret and confidence -- and teach it to your children and other young people. A confidence is a private matter that should be kept quiet. For instance, what you paid for your house is between you, the seller and the bank. Feel free to keep it private. A secret, however, may be shared appropriately. Underline appropriately.
Here are two examples.
Seeking guidance, a very close friend shares with me that she suspects her teenage son is downloading pornography from the Internet. While it was OK for her to share her secret with me (because we are very close friends and she is emotionally hurt by the situation), I ask her if she has talked with her husband. She has not. I encourage her to talk with him, and together talk with their son. The family secret must get out in the open. The son needs help.
A distraught woman who I have counseled phones me. She sounds agitated. I ask her if she has thoughts of hurting herself or anyone else. She says she feels bad but has no suicidal or homicidal thoughts. We talk a while. Eventually she calms down. If she had thoughts of hurting herself or someone else, I would tell a person in authority. Because I biblically counsel under the headship of my church's elders, I would inform one or more of them. We may also call 911.
(If your son or daughter has a friend who is suicidal, tell them it's right to tell an adult and get help.)
Sadly an all-too-common secret you'll hear involves sexual abuse. Like you, I know many women who've been molested or raped by a father, step-father, brother, cousin, uncle, family friend, teacher or another in authority. Occasionally the molestation is by a woman. Here is a composite:
Through a small group at church you become friends with Linda. She is married and has two children, just like you. You suggest a double date. She emphatically says, "No." You wonder why but let the matter drop. A month passes and you suggest another double date. "No" again. This time you ask why.
"My husband and I don't believe in leaving our children with a babysitter," Linda says. You suggest the names of a couple teens who've babysat your kids. She's not interested. You sense something's wrong.
One day you call her and say, "I'm worried about you, Linda. Please tell me why you are so afraid of babysitters?"
Linda takes a deep breath. "I've never told this to anyone. Please keep it secret. When I was in high school I babysat for one of the teachers at my school. He was my basketball coach. One time. . ." In some detail, she tells how he took advantage of her. Not once but many occasions. She said she felt dirty and shameful, guilty and confused. And depressed. She confides that the bad memories stop her from enjoying sex with her husband.
While you do not share her story with others, you encourage her to talk with her husband (he knows but doesn't like to discuss it ) and to turn to a biblical counselor. You tell her you're there to listen too.
Our enemy loves secrets. He prefers darkness over the light. If he can get you to stay quiet about your shame, he knows you'll walk with an emotional and spiritual limp. God wants you and every hurting Christian woman to walk in the light. Consider these verses. Apply them to your own life. Share them with women.
"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ" (2 Corinthians 4:6, NIV here and below).
"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned" (John 8:12).
"The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned" ( Isaiah 9:2).
"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light" ( Ephesians 5:8).
Heavenly Father, I ask you to embolden these women to listen deeply to each others hearts and share with one another, so we know the truth of the freedom that Jesus secured for us through his death and resurrection. Amen.
SWEET SISTERS, I promised Part 2 of "Promiscuity: Out of the Movies and into the Church" this week; it is postponed until next time. God placed this on my heart to share now.
Do you remember when you were a girl on the school playground? The secrets fluttered about like butterflies. Some seemed harmless.
"Who?'
"I'm not suppose to tell you. It's a secret." The friend looks over her shoulder and whispers in Suzie's ear.
"Really? He's cute."
The ones later in life can rip a hole in your soul.
"Terri, you'll never guess who got so drunk she did it with lots of guys at Sam's party?"
"Who?"
"I really shouldn't tell you. She wouldn't want you to know."
"C'mon, who?"
"Your sister." Terri's eyes shined with tears. Another secret to keep. Uggh!
FAST FORWARD ANOTHER TEN YEARS.
Amanda clutched a tissue. "My mom used to smack me," she told a woman in her Bible study. They had gone out for coffee, just the two of them, to talk. "I hated it. I felt so small, so worthless. But you know what was worse? She'd tell me I was ugly, a nobody.
"And -- get this -- she taught kids' Sunday school. What I hypocrite!"
The Bible study friend consoled her. "How difficult for you," she said. "I'm sad you had to go through that."
"What I'm about to tell you I've never shared with anyone," Amanda whispered. "When I was young, maybe 11 or 12 years old, I imagined my hands around her throat and squeezing and laughing. I hated her. I hated myself." Amanda sobs.
Every person has shameful secrets that she doesn't want anyone to know. Here at Counselors' Coach, you become equipped to listen to hurting Christian women at your church, workplace and neighborhood. This ministry is not for licensed professionals alone. It belongs to anyone who calls herself a Christian and has received a level of healing herself. Truly the best counselors are those who've experienced pain and the grace of God.
Before I share an example and encouragement on how you can help, please hear the difference between secret and confidence -- and teach it to your children and other young people. A confidence is a private matter that should be kept quiet. For instance, what you paid for your house is between you, the seller and the bank. Feel free to keep it private. A secret, however, may be shared appropriately. Underline appropriately.
Here are two examples.
Seeking guidance, a very close friend shares with me that she suspects her teenage son is downloading pornography from the Internet. While it was OK for her to share her secret with me (because we are very close friends and she is emotionally hurt by the situation), I ask her if she has talked with her husband. She has not. I encourage her to talk with him, and together talk with their son. The family secret must get out in the open. The son needs help.
A distraught woman who I have counseled phones me. She sounds agitated. I ask her if she has thoughts of hurting herself or anyone else. She says she feels bad but has no suicidal or homicidal thoughts. We talk a while. Eventually she calms down. If she had thoughts of hurting herself or someone else, I would tell a person in authority. Because I biblically counsel under the headship of my church's elders, I would inform one or more of them. We may also call 911.
(If your son or daughter has a friend who is suicidal, tell them it's right to tell an adult and get help.)
Sadly an all-too-common secret you'll hear involves sexual abuse. Like you, I know many women who've been molested or raped by a father, step-father, brother, cousin, uncle, family friend, teacher or another in authority. Occasionally the molestation is by a woman. Here is a composite:
Through a small group at church you become friends with Linda. She is married and has two children, just like you. You suggest a double date. She emphatically says, "No." You wonder why but let the matter drop. A month passes and you suggest another double date. "No" again. This time you ask why.
"My husband and I don't believe in leaving our children with a babysitter," Linda says. You suggest the names of a couple teens who've babysat your kids. She's not interested. You sense something's wrong.
One day you call her and say, "I'm worried about you, Linda. Please tell me why you are so afraid of babysitters?"
While you do not share her story with others, you encourage her to talk with her husband (he knows but doesn't like to discuss it ) and to turn to a biblical counselor. You tell her you're there to listen too.
Our enemy loves secrets. He prefers darkness over the light. If he can get you to stay quiet about your shame, he knows you'll walk with an emotional and spiritual limp. God wants you and every hurting Christian woman to walk in the light. Consider these verses. Apply them to your own life. Share them with women.
Heavenly Father, I ask you to embolden these women to listen deeply to each others hearts and share with one another, so we know the truth of the freedom that Jesus secured for us through his death and resurrection. Amen.