Lunch with a friend?

After a frustrating week of communication with Soldier, I was on my way to a restaurant to meet with him for lunch on Friday.

He called to ask for directions to the restaurant since he is unfamiliar with the area. He was being jovial on the phone with me and I was still non-responsive.

He pulled into a parking space next to me. I opened my door and stood next to my car waiting for him. He walked to me and lifted my face with his hands. His blue-green eyes were sparkling and he smiled his beautiful full-lipped-perfect-teeth smile at me.

I shot him a "go to hell" look and he began laughing.

Then he took me in his arms for a full on Soldier hug. I love his hugs... and he hasn't hugged me like that in.... it seems like years.

"Hi T. Now what was all that yelling about yesterday?" He laughed in my ear as he held me.

"Well, you pissed me off. That was getting a little ridiculous. "

We were walking into the restaurant like old friends. He was chatting away about his week and his attempts to balance basketball with family time. His mother had apparently been upset with him for not spending enough time with her.

"I was doing everything I could to see you, T. I mean, I offered nearly every single night to you, busy girl. "

Ok, he was right. He did do that. I also told him that I was anxious to get our initial meeting out of the way. I wanted to see what it felt like to be around him again.

It felt like... old times. We sat in the booth; he had his arm around me. We split a sandwich. We laughed. We looked at the waitresses in their short shorts and discussed asses.

"I love hanging out with you, " he said, "And that I can completely be myself. I let it all out when I'm around you."

We talked about October and how he felt... how I felt...

"I didn't tell you..." he began, while staring blankly ahead, "back in March and April of last year, I was nearly killed 6 or 7 times. "

I recalled a particularly difficult conversation we had during his deployment in March of last year. I could tell that he was frightened. I didn't realize why.

"And I was.... so alone over there. I felt like the people I worked with were more out to get me than the Iraqis were. We were getting bombed some nights at 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning. And you knew that I wasn't going to bed until 2 or 3. Sometimes I wasn't sure if I should go to bed or not because being in the office was safer than being in my bed. I told you that it would change me."

I rested my head on his shoulder and stroked his arm as he spoke. I could still feel the pain in him.

"I know what you want, T. You told me that you wanted a relationship and I... can't make any promises. I will be stationed here in Texas. That's good. But I'll be further away than I am now. I will be up here visiting family and I'd love to see you. I'd love to spend more time with you. If you'd like that too?"

"I had a plan," he continued. "I had also asked to be at stationed here in town. I had planned to buy my brother's house here, remember when we were at his house? I would work here, live here and continue seeing you. But... it didn't work out that way."

Yeah, things just don't work out for us, do they?

It felt good to hear him speak so honestly again. Our in-person communication is always infinitely better than our phone conversations.

I told him that I would love to see him. But I can't make him any promises either. I would love to continue to be his friend. We have always made really great friends.

We spent the rest of the afternoon together and the conversation never wavered. I remember now why we hit it off initially when we met in English class in high school. I remember now why we spent more time talking than having sex when we dated back in 2007.

We just really like each other.

As I tried to leave the restaurant to begin my drive back to Louisiana, he said, more than once, "Are you sure you have to go?"

We were having a blast.

I really needed this. I needed to spend time with him in order to take him down from the fantasy that was built up for SO long. After our dating and then all the phone calls, foreplay emails and naughty exchanges, after longing for each other for a year, I had filled in so many holes of how perfect we could be for each other.

I didn't know if we would be that perfect. I was only taking guesses based on all of this ethereal communication and history.

I needed to see him now. I needed to see his pain and how he is still not completely himself. He still has some things to process that I absolutely wouldn't put up with in a relationship.

The new contract is in order now, signed and agreed upon by both parties.....