“I don’t know” is a client response that often throws beginning therapists. Some therapists feel at a loss when presented with this response to some question about how a client is feeling or thinking. If this response occurs repeatedly then there is often a sense of frustration and helplessness built up in the therapist. I need this information to understand my client but they won’t give it to me. This frustration can lead to us labelling our clients as resistant, defensive or stupid. These blanket or pejorative labels do 
not lead to a good psychological formulation of what is going on for the client and as a result limit our thinking and motivation to work with the client.
A place to start thinking about “I don’t know” with clients is to think about the task of the client in therapy. At a basic level there are three rules for a client coming to therapy. Firstly the client must arrive on time. Secondly the client must talk about themselves and thirdly the client must leave on time.
If the client says “I don’t know” they are in my view breaking rule number 2 i.e. they are not talking about themselves but avoiding this for some reason.Usually when a client says “I don’t know” it is response to a question about themselves, their lives or their internal states. I will accept a client saying they don’t know the capital of Italy or to some factually based question but not when it is a question about their internal state.
People say “I don’t know” in therapy for a number of reasons. It is possible the client genuinely does not know but this is a very interesting piece of information that requires much more exploring. If the client is not able to access cognitions or feeling states or is unable to observe their own behaviour then as a therapist we need to understand this. Failing to take time to understand this difficulty with self reflection about an aspect of the self may have a significant impact on the progress of therapy.
“I don’t know” is a client response that often throws beginning therapists. Some therapists feel at a loss when presented with this response to some question about how a client is feeling or thinking. If this response occurs repeatedly then there is often a sense of frustration and helplessness built up in the therapist. I need this information to understand my client but they won’t give it to me. This frustration can lead to us labelling our clients as resistant, defensive or stupid. These blanket or pejorative labels do
not lead to a good psychological formulation of what is going on for the client and as a result limit our thinking and motivation to work with the client.
A place to start thinking about “I don’t know” with clients is to think about the task of the client in therapy. At a basic level there are three rules for a client coming to therapy. Firstly the client must arrive on time. Secondly the client must talk about themselves and thirdly the client must leave on time.
If the client says “I don’t know” they are in my view breaking rule number 2 i.e. they are not talking about themselves but avoiding this for some reason.Usually when a client says “I don’t know” it is response to a question about themselves, their lives or their internal states. I will accept a client saying they don’t know the capital of Italy or to some factually based question but not when it is a question about their internal state.
People say “I don’t know” in therapy for a number of reasons. It is possible the client genuinely does not know but this is a very interesting piece of information that requires much more exploring. If the client is not able to access cognitions or feeling states or is unable to observe their own behaviour then as a therapist we need to understand this. Failing to take time to understand this difficulty with self reflection about an aspect of the self may have a significant impact on the progress of therapy.