i’ve only slept for over four hours. i shouldn’t complain, but i want to. i am working again tonight and if i will have the same busy night tonight, i am doomed.
i finally transferred my patient to ICU after running my butt off for the first 5 hours of the shift. the ICU and medicine docs were back and forth about transferring her, and selfishly, i felt like the victim. i won’t share the boring details because i’m sure bedside nurses know exactly what i mean. the system just feels so frustrating sometimes.
i just have to get it off my chest that time was really out of my hands last night, and it robbed me of the chance to show any hint of compassion to my patient. i didn’t really have the luxury of thinking about it last night, but now that i’m home, unable to sleep, it makes me uncomfortable.
she was on the phone with her son while i was charting on the computer just next to her bed. crying, catching her breath, she said: ” i have been calling you. why didn’t you pick up the phone? i am being transferred to ICU, and there is a big possibility i might not make it tonight. i am dying and you can’t even pick up your phone?”
my professional opinion was that she will make it through the night. but let’s face it, that opinion was irrelevant and unreliable. the point was, she was scared and vulnerable, and i literally didn’t have the time even just to hold her hand, a gesture that i have learned can calm patients down even without the aid of words.
anyway, i was so focused on giving the boluses, rechecking the blood pressure, calling the docs, charting, giving other meds, updating the charge nurse, and of course, going back and forth to my other two patients, one with meningitis, (the N95 mask driving me nuts everytime i had to enter her room) and one who had knee surgery gone bad. i blinked, and the next thing i knew, after 4.5 liters of NS bolused, and her BP just barely making it to the 70s, the two parties finally agreed, and my patient was accepted to ICU. even when she was leaving, i didn’t have time to say goodbye. i was on the phone about some issues with the pharmacy.
good intentions are never enough.
even things that are free, like a simple touch, are sometimes impossible to give.
and time, even when we get the same amount everyday, is not always on our side.
the abundance of good intention never wins over the unpredictability and passing of time.
sad.
i’ve only slept for over four hours. i shouldn’t complain, but i want to. i am working again tonight and if i will have the same busy night tonight, i am doomed.
i finally transferred my patient to ICU after running my butt off for the first 5 hours of the shift. the ICU and medicine docs were back and forth about transferring her, and selfishly, i felt like the victim. i won’t share the boring details because i’m sure bedside nurses know exactly what i mean. the system just feels so frustrating sometimes.
i just have to get it off my chest that time was really out of my hands last night, and it robbed me of the chance to show any hint of compassion to my patient. i didn’t really have the luxury of thinking about it last night, but now that i’m home, unable to sleep, it makes me uncomfortable.
she was on the phone with her son while i was charting on the computer just next to her bed. crying, catching her breath, she said: ” i have been calling you. why didn’t you pick up the phone? i am being transferred to ICU, and there is a big possibility i might not make it tonight. i am dying and you can’t even pick up your phone?”
my professional opinion was that she will make it through the night. but let’s face it, that opinion was irrelevant and unreliable. the point was, she was scared and vulnerable, and i literally didn’t have the time even just to hold her hand, a gesture that i have learned can calm patients down even without the aid of words.
anyway, i was so focused on giving the boluses, rechecking the blood pressure, calling the docs, charting, giving other meds, updating the charge nurse, and of course, going back and forth to my other two patients, one with meningitis, (the N95 mask driving me nuts everytime i had to enter her room) and one who had knee surgery gone bad. i blinked, and the next thing i knew, after 4.5 liters of NS bolused, and her BP just barely making it to the 70s, the two parties finally agreed, and my patient was accepted to ICU. even when she was leaving, i didn’t have time to say goodbye. i was on the phone about some issues with the pharmacy.
good intentions are never enough.
even things that are free, like a simple touch, are sometimes impossible to give.
and time, even when we get the same amount everyday, is not always on our side.
the abundance of good intention never wins over the unpredictability and passing of time.
sad.