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And this is one reason I'm tired....look at them! Look at how happy and content they look covered in broccoli and spaghetti sauce. They both had broccoli in their diapers, up their noses, spaghetti sauce in their hair...
 Anyway, so I'm just feeling very tired these days. Now that Cole and Bella are starting to discontinue their naps, on the days their home from preschool, it's a long 13 hour day for me. This morning, I took them all to the park...I gave Cole and Bella 2 choices....ride their bikes to the park or we could drive. Of course each of them chose something different. Finally, the both decided to ride their scooters...that wasn't even an option but by this time I was just tired of arguing with them and the babies were freaking out b/c they just wanted to get going. I warned them both that riding their scooters was going to be very exhausting but they both insisted....halfway to the park, Bella said "I can't go anymore" so I had to push the stroller with one hand and pull her along on her scooter. Then Cole said "I'm too tired"....I pretty much wanted to have a meltdown right there on the spot. Finally, we made it to the park...25 minutes later (it's normally a 10-15 minute walk, if even that). So I get the babies out of the stroller to play on their beloved climbing structure and I see Cole go hide behind a bench and bend over....I'm sure he's pooping in his pants. Dammit....I asked him before we left he had to poop and he said no. Then Bella comes up to me and says she has to poop....so I get the babies back in the stroller and off we go to the dirty, disgusting bathroom that has no soap...both of them sit on the toilets and then say "um, I don't have to go now"....I really wanted to rip both their heads off. I had them clean their hands with antibacterial wipes and head back to the playground.... that left them only 10 minutes to play before we had to head back home for lunch. Then Cole kicked Bella in the face for no reason that I could tell and I walked up to them as calmly as I could and, through gritted teeth, said "we are going home NOW....get your butt on your scooter". I think the wild, crazy look in my eyes must have been pretty easy to read considering how fast they got their bike helmets on and hopped on their scooters. Now the babies are napping and Cole and Bella are watching a movie while I have a "time out". I told them on the way home from the park (as I took turns pulling them each on their freakin scooters) that after lunch while the babies napped, Mommy needed a time out...they kept saying "but why?"....I just kept saying "because Mommy is very tired". Again "but why?"..... I don't really have the energy to go anywhere this afternoon with them, even though it's a gorgeous day out. Cole and Bella want to make water balloons and then pop them in the grass so we may do that. I was thinking more along the lines of making oatmeal cookies....I really need to go to Costco but every time I think about dragging all 4 of them with me, I feel like I might just go insane. The babies actually are very good and love outings...Cole and Bella fight like cats and dogs. It's funny b/c people always come up to me when I have all 4 of them out by myself somewhere and they think the babies are the ones who must be overwhelming for me....but it's really the 3 yr olds who try my patience every minute of the day. A nurse at our pedi's office last week asked me "do you ever get a break?" and I said "having to care for just the little ones is my break"....honestly, the babies are EASY compared to Cole and Bella. I feel bad for saying that but it's true. They are both just so strong willed and full of opinions these days...I love that they are such strong, spirited individuals but some days I wish they would just give me a break and do what I say without asking so many questions or challenging me on everything. So yeah, today I'm tired....I've been fantasizing that I can actually get away somewhere all by myself for a week and do nothing but read books and sleep. Somewhere on the beach, where it's really warm and the air smells of salt and ocean, where I hear nothing but the breeze of the air, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore and seagulls flying in the air.....but for now I'll have to settle for the smell of poop and the sound of little children screaming and whining and asking "but why?".....I do love being a mother more than anything but there are days like this where I just need a break to re-focus and re-energize. |
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