My pregnancy is going well. My marriage? Well, that's up for interpretation.
I am 29 + weeks and can finally see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I've decided not to take the Lexapro. I may take it after I deliver, but I can't take it now with a clear conscious. All the research I've found says that babies exposed in the third trimester are up to 50% more likely to end up in the NICU immediately after birth. A few of them even die. I may feel like crap right now, but my feeling better isn't worth the risk to the baby. And I've found that accepting the fact that this pregnancy is one of the worst emotional experiences in my life has helped. I only have 10 more weeks. Once the baby is safely delivered, I can focus on myself do whatever it takes to get back to normal. 10 weeks isn't forever.
It also helps to know that I'm not crazy and all of my recent feelings have been completely justified. The late nights, the suspicious behavior, the hiding things, the obsession with the phone, the attitude towards me, all the things that I was told were just my imagination were real. The husband has a "friend." He claims it's completely platonic, and to be honest, I don't care. He met her months ago, he actively hid her from me, he called her multiple times a day, every day, for extended periods of time and he spent time with her while I was upset and lonely at home. Sex, or no sex, it's still painful. He claims she's a lesbian who's having the same relationship problems with her partner as we are having. Oh and they're expecting a baby too, so they just talk about that kind of stuff. I have two problems with this. 1. We weren't having problems until she came along. and 2. You don't talk about our baby and our problems with some random woman when you won't even acknowledge either while talking to me.
I've tried to believe him and found that it doesn't matter one way or the other to me. I'll never know the truth for sure and the stress is just too much anyway. Right before he confessed, my heart rate hit a record 160. I'm pregnant. I don't need this. I'm trying to put it all out of my head, at least for now. It's obviously not working since I'm writing about it, but I'm trying.
I explained that as of right now, I just need to know the relationship is over. He's quick to go back to the whole platonic thing, but I don't care. I told him that his still talking to her bothers me. I won't tell him to stop. It's his choice. Everything is his choice. He created the problem, he can fix it. However he decides to fix it will be better than however I end up fixing it. He claims he won't talk to her anymore. I'm attempting to believe him. Honestly, at this point, I can't continue to worry. The way I see it, if he continues this relationship, whatever it may be, I'll know. I knew from the moment it started, I just wasn't sure what it was that I knew. You know when somethings off. You may not know what it is, but you know it's wrong.
Once the baby is born and safe and I'm in a better place to deal emotionally, I'll take a good long look at things and see if things are salvageable and even worth the trouble. It's not fair that this pregnancy had to have been tainted by his disgusting actions. I just need to make it through the next 2.5 months and then I'll be able to make a rational decision about my life and the future of my marriage.
My pregnancy is going well. My marriage? Well, that's up for interpretation.
I am 29 + weeks and can finally see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I've decided not to take the Lexapro. I may take it after I deliver, but I can't take it now with a clear conscious. All the research I've found says that babies exposed in the third trimester are up to 50% more likely to end up in the NICU immediately after birth. A few of them even die. I may feel like crap right now, but my feeling better isn't worth the risk to the baby. And I've found that accepting the fact that this pregnancy is one of the worst emotional experiences in my life has helped. I only have 10 more weeks. Once the baby is safely delivered, I can focus on myself do whatever it takes to get back to normal. 10 weeks isn't forever.
It also helps to know that I'm not crazy and all of my recent feelings have been completely justified. The late nights, the suspicious behavior, the hiding things, the obsession with the phone, the attitude towards me, all the things that I was told were just my imagination were real. The husband has a "friend." He claims it's completely platonic, and to be honest, I don't care. He met her months ago, he actively hid her from me, he called her multiple times a day, every day, for extended periods of time and he spent time with her while I was upset and lonely at home. Sex, or no sex, it's still painful. He claims she's a lesbian who's having the same relationship problems with her partner as we are having. Oh and they're expecting a baby too, so they just talk about that kind of stuff. I have two problems with this. 1. We weren't having problems until she came along. and 2. You don't talk about our baby and our problems with some random woman when you won't even acknowledge either while talking to me.
I've tried to believe him and found that it doesn't matter one way or the other to me. I'll never know the truth for sure and the stress is just too much anyway. Right before he confessed, my heart rate hit a record 160. I'm pregnant. I don't need this. I'm trying to put it all out of my head, at least for now. It's obviously not working since I'm writing about it, but I'm trying.
I explained that as of right now, I just need to know the relationship is over. He's quick to go back to the whole platonic thing, but I don't care. I told him that his still talking to her bothers me. I won't tell him to stop. It's his choice. Everything is his choice. He created the problem, he can fix it. However he decides to fix it will be better than however I end up fixing it. He claims he won't talk to her anymore. I'm attempting to believe him. Honestly, at this point, I can't continue to worry. The way I see it, if he continues this relationship, whatever it may be, I'll know. I knew from the moment it started, I just wasn't sure what it was that I knew. You know when somethings off. You may not know what it is, but you know it's wrong.
Once the baby is born and safe and I'm in a better place to deal emotionally, I'll take a good long look at things and see if things are salvageable and even worth the trouble. It's not fair that this pregnancy had to have been tainted by his disgusting actions. I just need to make it through the next 2.5 months and then I'll be able to make a rational decision about my life and the future of my marriage.