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Marriage Counseling and the Basics of Emotional Health

Posted Dec 12 2008 1:23pm

Undoubtedly, couples counseling explores the dynamic issues between two people as well as the emotional health of the individuals. If one is suffering or dealing with psychological problems, it is highly likely that this will be affecting his or her marriage or relationship as well. How could it not? Relationships are based on the emotional interplay between two individuals. If one is “shutting down” emotionally due to poor emotional or psychological health, the connection with the other is lost or distant.

So what is good emotional health? Do we even know when we possess it? Here are some very basic indicators that can serve as guideposts from John Preston:

Characteristics of Emotional Health:

1. Ability to feel emotions deeply

2. Ability to identify and understand inner feelings and needs

3. Self-entitlement: it’s okay to feel good about yourself

4. Self-assertion: it’s okay to express yourself

5. Self-soothing: taking care of yourself

6. Capacity for intimate relationships

7. Commitment

8. Permission to be human, ordinary

Very major events have lasting effects, however, with time and emotional healing, the anguish decreases in intensity and the memory of the painful event slips into the background. At some point, people start to feel “normal” again.

During times of emotional crisis, people can take steps to more successfully ride out emotional storms:

1. To have others understand and accept your feelings

2. To find outlets for honest self-expression

3. To care for basic physical and emotional needs

4. To express or affirm your own inner beliefs and values

While some of these points may seem obvious, its interesting how many people continue to live in an emotional “stored up” state; withholding emotions, not expressing themselves honestly…simply allowing themselves to feel.

One of the most amazing parts of therapy is simply being able to FEEL again; deeply. In turn, you are rewarded with the opportunity to feel deeply toward another.

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