The Social Security Administration sent me a letter that makes no sense. In it, they informed me that I was not disabled for certain months in 2006 and 2007, because I worked part time and, according to them, made too much money for me to have been disabled. Now, however, they do consider me to be disabled, not because I work less (I don't), but because I make less money per hour. They informed me, in this letter, that I was to repay them $3,200 by April 10th, and they included a nice little payment stub where you can give them a credit card number to pay this amount. I do not have a credit card. I also do not know anybody who is disabled yet has $3,000 laying around somewhere.
I make $8.43 per hour at my current job. I cannot pay my rent, car insurance, electricity, and cable bills without my disability check. Yet the Administration has stated in this letter that they plan to take the $3,200 right out of my check, unless I send them the money myself by April 10th. Of course, I am going to appeal this nonsense. I have an appointment with a legal aid program person next week, and I hope that they can help me. But in the meantime, the stress of this situation has sent me head-long into more psychotic symptoms which, technically speaking, I shouldn't be having since I am getting injections and taking all the other meds I'm on religiously.
Last night I was sure my therapist and the other woman in my two-person therapy group were controlling my mind and reading my thoughts and sending me hand signals that are part of government mind-control again. I frequently have this feeling in the group (*and also, in any other group I go to, such as in hospitals), but normally I don't believe it as strongly as I did last night. I am even afraid to write about this here right now, because a part of me still believes it is really happening. I told my therapist, and the other group member, that I was afraid they worked for the government, etc., and they told me that of course they don't. My therapist always makes a joke about how she would never be an employee of the Republican party, but that won't work now that the Republicans are not in charge of things. My therapist said that my paranoid thoughts were happening more last night than she expected them to be happening, but once I explained the Social Security nightmare, and how I associate the Social Security Administration with the Nazi SS military in my mind, she understood. She said what I am going through would make me feel persecuted and it was understandable that this would bring back the old thoughts of the Nazis controlling the world, etc. I don't believe that is happening right now, but I did believe it with most of my being last night. I could barely speak when I was sitting in the therapist's office, and I whispered the part about how they were working for the government.
I think some people assume that you cannot have such symptoms and know you have them. And I know some people who know me and assume I have no such symptoms anymore, ever. Some people think that if you're being treated with medication, all these symptoms go away, but that has not been the case for me. I have had a lot of times where the medications were not as effective as they supposedly should be, and now is one of those times. I know when it happens too. It happens when I am more stressed, more tired, more hungry, or all of the above - and my brain just doesn't work well under those conditions. I worked nine hours on Monday. I worked six hours on Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon, I was hearing voices and thinking callers at my job were government agents. By Tuesday night, I was having a lot of delusional, paranoid thoughts (according to what someone who is not actually experiencing them would call delusional and paranoid).
This is why I can't do things like walk around Disney World, go to the beach all day, shop a lot at malls, or anything else that wears me out, and also why I take naps sometimes, and eat three or four times a day.
I make $8.43 per hour at my current job. I cannot pay my rent, car insurance, electricity, and cable bills without my disability check. Yet the Administration has stated in this letter that they plan to take the $3,200 right out of my check, unless I send them the money myself by April 10th. Of course, I am going to appeal this nonsense. I have an appointment with a legal aid program person next week, and I hope that they can help me. But in the meantime, the stress of this situation has sent me head-long into more psychotic symptoms which, technically speaking, I shouldn't be having since I am getting injections and taking all the other meds I'm on religiously.
Last night I was sure my therapist and the other woman in my two-person therapy group were controlling my mind and reading my thoughts and sending me hand signals that are part of government mind-control again. I frequently have this feeling in the group (*and also, in any other group I go to, such as in hospitals), but normally I don't believe it as strongly as I did last night. I am even afraid to write about this here right now, because a part of me still believes it is really happening. I told my therapist, and the other group member, that I was afraid they worked for the government, etc., and they told me that of course they don't. My therapist always makes a joke about how she would never be an employee of the Republican party, but that won't work now that the Republicans are not in charge of things. My therapist said that my paranoid thoughts were happening more last night than she expected them to be happening, but once I explained the Social Security nightmare, and how I associate the Social Security Administration with the Nazi SS military in my mind, she understood. She said what I am going through would make me feel persecuted and it was understandable that this would bring back the old thoughts of the Nazis controlling the world, etc. I don't believe that is happening right now, but I did believe it with most of my being last night. I could barely speak when I was sitting in the therapist's office, and I whispered the part about how they were working for the government.
I think some people assume that you cannot have such symptoms and know you have them. And I know some people who know me and assume I have no such symptoms anymore, ever. Some people think that if you're being treated with medication, all these symptoms go away, but that has not been the case for me. I have had a lot of times where the medications were not as effective as they supposedly should be, and now is one of those times. I know when it happens too. It happens when I am more stressed, more tired, more hungry, or all of the above - and my brain just doesn't work well under those conditions. I worked nine hours on Monday. I worked six hours on Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon, I was hearing voices and thinking callers at my job were government agents. By Tuesday night, I was having a lot of delusional, paranoid thoughts (according to what someone who is not actually experiencing them would call delusional and paranoid).
This is why I can't do things like walk around Disney World, go to the beach all day, shop a lot at malls, or anything else that wears me out, and also why I take naps sometimes, and eat three or four times a day.