Because Jolie is a giant loser at heart, sometimes she does unspeakably lame things like re-read her own books, and then giggle.
As if I didn’t write it myself.
So! I know there are still women in America who have not read my own personal War and Peace, the greatest book you will ever read in your entire life, Beauty Confidential. I am not kidding. It should win the Pulitzer Prize. Um. Of beauty.
For your reading pleasure/my procrastination, one of my favorite excerpts!
The Different Hairstylists
Gay Psychiatrist: He’s gay. He’s chatty. He’s empathetic. And he’s fabulous. This is the kind of stylist who always pops up in movies as Reese or Julia’s mane man, designed to both whip your locks into shape and sagely explain why your boyfriend is a total idiot. Except he’s not only in movies–he’s real. After twenty-five minutes in his chair, he’ll know the name of your last three exes, the fact that your second cousin got a girl pregnant, and the real reason your best friend stopped talking to you for two weeks in 2003. He’s your soulmate. If only he were straight. Well, at least he gives great cut.
The European Lover: Have you ever had a stylist stare deeply into your eyes while caressing your scalp, whispering amorously that he is going to make your hair perfect? If so, you’ve been struck by the European Lover. Without fail, he’s either French or Italian, and usually speaks English with a heavy (but oh-so-sexy) accent. He’ll ply you with compliments, immediately inquire whether you have a boyfriend, and seduce your hair with his hands. Before your next appointment, you’ll spend ten extra minutes applying makeup, because how could Claude possibly see you without it? Your hopes will be dashed, however, when his much older girlfriend Barbara shows up at the salon. These relationships, much like real ones, often last only a year or two before one of you loses interest because of the lack of sex.
(more…)
Because Jolie is a giant loser at heart, sometimes she does unspeakably lame things like re-read her own books, and then giggle.
As if I didn’t write it myself.
So! I know there are still women in America who have not read my own personal War and Peace, the greatest book you will ever read in your entire life, Beauty Confidential. I am not kidding. It should win the Pulitzer Prize. Um. Of beauty.
For your reading pleasure/my procrastination, one of my favorite excerpts!
The Different Hairstylists
Gay Psychiatrist: He’s gay. He’s chatty. He’s empathetic. And he’s fabulous. This is the kind of stylist who always pops up in movies as Reese or Julia’s mane man, designed to both whip your locks into shape and sagely explain why your boyfriend is a total idiot. Except he’s not only in movies–he’s real. After twenty-five minutes in his chair, he’ll know the name of your last three exes, the fact that your second cousin got a girl pregnant, and the real reason your best friend stopped talking to you for two weeks in 2003. He’s your soulmate. If only he were straight. Well, at least he gives great cut.
The European Lover: Have you ever had a stylist stare deeply into your eyes while caressing your scalp, whispering amorously that he is going to make your hair perfect? If so, you’ve been struck by the European Lover. Without fail, he’s either French or Italian, and usually speaks English with a heavy (but oh-so-sexy) accent. He’ll ply you with compliments, immediately inquire whether you have a boyfriend, and seduce your hair with his hands. Before your next appointment, you’ll spend ten extra minutes applying makeup, because how could Claude possibly see you without it? Your hopes will be dashed, however, when his much older girlfriend Barbara shows up at the salon. These relationships, much like real ones, often last only a year or two before one of you loses interest because of the lack of sex.
(more…)