Today would have been my mother Nancy’s 56th birthday. I’m still sidelined with swine flu (am I joking? I have no idea–whatever this sickness is, it’s kicking my butt!) so my days since returning from England have consisted of sleep, water, pasta, and watching TV in the fetal position on the couch. I have no motivation or energy for anything beauty-related. Regardless, I dragged myself to the store this afternoon, bought a chocolate cupcake and a candle, and–while on the phone with my brother–sang Happy Birthday to Mama Jolie.
I can’t believe it’s already been 10 months since she died. In some ways, it feels like it was only yesterday. Some days are hard, others are effortless, and I don’t really know how the grieving process will evolve. In general, I fluctuate between supreme motivation and just…being tired. I tell myself that, after I get some sleep one night or one weekend, I will feel refreshed, charged, ready to make my mark again. Some days and weeks that holds true, and others I feel like a blob of wasted potential. There’s really no rhyme or reason, I suppose.
It was hard to memorialize my mother today; simply no energy in the tank for it. October 20th is a day like any other, but it felt important to celebrate the little milestone, even though I’m tired, even though I’m sick, even though Mama J. is no longer here. I think about her every day, but my mother had a little bit of narcissist in her (hey, Jolie has to get it from somewhere!) and I know that she would have been happy I made the extra effort on her most special, All-About-Nancy day.
Love you, mama. Still miss you like a maniac.
Today would have been my mother Nancy’s 56th birthday. I’m still sidelined with swine flu (am I joking? I have no idea–whatever this sickness is, it’s kicking my butt!) so my days since returning from England have consisted of sleep, water, pasta, and watching TV in the fetal position on the couch. I have no motivation or energy for anything beauty-related. Regardless, I dragged myself to the store this afternoon, bought a chocolate cupcake and a candle, and–while on the phone with my brother–sang Happy Birthday to Mama Jolie.
I can’t believe it’s already been 10 months since she died. In some ways, it feels like it was only yesterday. Some days are hard, others are effortless, and I don’t really know how the grieving process will evolve. In general, I fluctuate between supreme motivation and just…being tired. I tell myself that, after I get some sleep one night or one weekend, I will feel refreshed, charged, ready to make my mark again. Some days and weeks that holds true, and others I feel like a blob of wasted potential. There’s really no rhyme or reason, I suppose.
It was hard to memorialize my mother today; simply no energy in the tank for it. October 20th is a day like any other, but it felt important to celebrate the little milestone, even though I’m tired, even though I’m sick, even though Mama J. is no longer here. I think about her every day, but my mother had a little bit of narcissist in her (hey, Jolie has to get it from somewhere!) and I know that she would have been happy I made the extra effort on her most special, All-About-Nancy day.
Love you, mama. Still miss you like a maniac.