I could really do well if I can get past this brain.
This weekend I tried something: I did not pre-coffee my brains before I got on stage in LA, okay, that's a lie, I caffeinated by about a quarter of the normal amount. (I drank most of a half decaf soy cappuccino.) I figured that a withdrawal headache would be bad as well as a swoosh, so I had *some* espresso on the morning of our presentation.
What the hell am I getting to?
I have often wondered if my brain swooshes aren't related to caffeine metabolism. Since I have no idea why my brain falls out at somewhat not so random intervals, whether it be caffeine, blood sugar, red blood cells, vitamin levels, blood pressure or that I am just lucky.
I felt pretty good on Sunday before getting on stage - I had asked that the lights be turned down because I have also considered that they might freak out my eye/brain connections too. (Considering I have nearly dropped in the Stop & Shop/Linens'N'Things/Target/Wal-Mart/Apple Store several times for no apparent reason, other than they all have offensive lighting, but I am totally fine outdoors and in other lighting?)
I was feeling alright, until the lights were turned back up about halfway after someone complained they couldn't "see" us on stage. I knew that would happen, and this would be a risk. Michelle was giving her little talk about "where she came from" when the "Rut roh, here it comes" feeling came across. I tried to do the close one eye thing, and get past it, and stay standing up by the table. That didn't fly. I had to sit down. Normally I would have been fine with it, but seeing as I was surrounded by painful falls, I was going to have to move away. Luckily it never progressed past the woozy, shaky, generally trippy feeling and I didn't go anywhere or get confused.
Although my time to speak came directly after, and my eyes could not focus on the page, and this is something I have had trouble doing for a very long time in general. My eyes jump words and I cannot read lines in succession without losing my place and bringing my eyes back to the right spot. It took me a good few minutes to gain any sense of brain power before I finally "woke up" and read it in a normal dramatic voice and was able to convey what I meant.
So, even without my typical espresso habit, my brain broke.
Someone had asked if I thought it was anxiety related - and I think sometimes - SURE. In a situation like that? HELL TO THE YES, I WOULD LOVE FOR IT TO BE THAT SIMPLE. BUT - WHY THE FUCK DO I CRACK OUT in the SAME EXACT MANNER while I am:
- Washing my hair.
- Sleeping.
- Just after eating a snack at Denny's in LA. (This was a dumpy/carby maybe swoosh. I couldn't tell.)
Those situations? ZERO. ANXIETY. Makes no sense. So, that theory is junk.
It happened today. While sitting here. After? Laundry. Wow.
Fun.
I could really do well if I can get past this brain.
This weekend I tried something: I did not pre-coffee my brains before I got on stage in LA, okay, that's a lie, I caffeinated by about a quarter of the normal amount. (I drank most of a half decaf soy cappuccino.) I figured that a withdrawal headache would be bad as well as a swoosh, so I had *some* espresso on the morning of our presentation.
What the hell am I getting to?
I have often wondered if my brain swooshes aren't related to caffeine metabolism. Since I have no idea why my brain falls out at somewhat not so random intervals, whether it be caffeine, blood sugar, red blood cells, vitamin levels, blood pressure or that I am just lucky.
I felt pretty good on Sunday before getting on stage - I had asked that the lights be turned down because I have also considered that they might freak out my eye/brain connections too. (Considering I have nearly dropped in the Stop & Shop/Linens'N'Things/Target/Wal-Mart/Apple Store several times for no apparent reason, other than they all have offensive lighting, but I am totally fine outdoors and in other lighting?)
I was feeling alright, until the lights were turned back up about halfway after someone complained they couldn't "see" us on stage. I knew that would happen, and this would be a risk. Michelle was giving her little talk about "where she came from" when the "Rut roh, here it comes" feeling came across. I tried to do the close one eye thing, and get past it, and stay standing up by the table. That didn't fly. I had to sit down. Normally I would have been fine with it, but seeing as I was surrounded by painful falls, I was going to have to move away. Luckily it never progressed past the woozy, shaky, generally trippy feeling and I didn't go anywhere or get confused.
Although my time to speak came directly after, and my eyes could not focus on the page, and this is something I have had trouble doing for a very long time in general. My eyes jump words and I cannot read lines in succession without losing my place and bringing my eyes back to the right spot. It took me a good few minutes to gain any sense of brain power before I finally "woke up" and read it in a normal dramatic voice and was able to convey what I meant.
So, even without my typical espresso habit, my brain broke.
Someone had asked if I thought it was anxiety related - and I think sometimes - SURE. In a situation like that? HELL TO THE YES, I WOULD LOVE FOR IT TO BE THAT SIMPLE. BUT - WHY THE FUCK DO I CRACK OUT in the SAME EXACT MANNER while I am:
Those situations? ZERO. ANXIETY. Makes no sense. So, that theory is junk.
It happened today. While sitting here. After? Laundry. Wow.
Fun.